Things you never want to hear from podiatry patients

Still dangerous - someone might want a bin. i tell people that i am a free-lance biscuit designer. You'd be surprised how few people want their own biscuit fabricated... And it provides hours of fun, if i've had a few wines. 'Tiny Teddies? Don't get me started!"

 

1. What made you choose podiatry?
2. Are you a childrens specalist?
3. Do you have a foot fetish?

 

Yes I was referring to Chris Davies. Another amusing story, One of my old bosses was doing a home visit to an elderley couple, after treating the couple she empited the clippings onto the open fire without noticing the open stew pot bubbling away over the fire. The patients will have had an extra cruncy stew that day. When she realised her mistake she made a hasty retreat.

 

I had a client who went on about how she couldnt work with feet, etc, etc.
Replied, well better than being a gynaecologist looking between women's legs all day...... turned out she was a midwife
Conversation took a remarkably sudden change

 

Its great reading all of the things patients say. Recently on asking a patient how she was, her reply was that she did not feel too good.
My cheery comment, was 'well at least you are not six feet under!'
Her reply made me want the floor to open. 'No not like my husband, I buried him the day before yesterday'.!!!

 

Rob, I had a similar one years back in our old mutual locale.

I opened the clinic door to find half of "Mr & Mrs. Smith - 10am". So I said "Are you on your own today? Did you lose your driver on the way into the building?" to which she of course replied. "I'm so sorry I forgot to cancel. He was buried yesterday". Doh. Big hole open up pleeeeeeeeease.

 

The number of patients that think: as long as you get the root out properly, the corn will not return.:wacko:

 

OOOOOh yes! We've all had that one:bang:

 

sound familiar,

me do you exercise

pt yes of course. every day

me what do you do

pt I walk to the mailbox, up the stairs, walk to the fridge. I walk all day

me. doh......

 

Me: So are those the shoes you normally wear?
Pt: No I have specially made diabetic shoes.... (tails off)
Me: but you've not worn them today?
Pt: No (pause) they are nice and comfy but I prefer these
Me: So how often do you wear the diabetic shoes?
Pt: weeellllll (longer pause) I wear them when I'm not wearing these

:bang:

 

Old dear hobbles in, as if on hot coals, and remarks later, on her thinsoled, very pointy, no room in the toebox, with all digits clearly outlined on the shoe upper, excuses for footwear, "you wouldn't believe how cheap they were!" ....... (me) "no, I believe it"

 

Farmer walks in and sits in the chair and takes one shoe and sock off. Says he has a problem with his big toe and he wants to know what the reason is and how it can be fixed.

I asked him to take off the other shoe and sock and I'll have a look. I start to ask the usual questions and then realise that he isn't taking off the other shoe and sock. I then ask him again, politely, to remove his other shoe and sock.

He hesitates and then asks "Do I have to?". I go through the usual speil about being thorough and just checking the other foot as well as using it as a comparison etc etc etc. He still looks unconvinced so I asked him why he didn't want to remove his other shoe.

His reply!?!? "I only washed one foot."

 

Next time i´ll come earlier!!!

 

Me: Any previous lower limb trauma or surgery?
Patient: Yeah I've broken my left leg in 2 places
Me: Do you know where?
Patient: Yeah, Southend and Romford...

 

I remember one particularly skanky patient,after I suggested an anti fungal treatment saying,"No I dont want me athletes foot to go,I like picking the bits of skin off too much."

And bet you have heard;"Im using that P45 cream"

 

After looking at a plantar ulcer dressing which looked remarkably like the one I had put on 7 days previous.
Me: How often has the dressing being changed?
Pt: Every day
Me: When was it last changed?
Pt: Ummm... what's today? ...
Me: Thursday
Pt: Maybe Tuesday? ... Yep definitely on Tuesday
Me: :bang:

 

jajajajaja!!! Reading most of the posts on this topic I can say that spanish patients say the same silly things!!

I love it when you ask: Any illness?
and they go like: No, just diabetes and hypertension.

 

Do they use the same expression that a number of my patients use - "well - not really". Do they mean yes or no ?? ?? ??:bash:

 

They mean that they have diabetes sometimes, it depends on how much cake they had last night. jejeje.

 

Those who have diabetes but don't want it,

"I only have MILD diabetes"

those who desparately want the attention and wish they did:-

"I don't know, I haven't been tested for a few months.

 

On this DM theme; home visits from a dperived area of Yorkshire some 15 years ago (Christ am I that old now?).

Chair bound diabetic munching her way through an entire bag of Thorntons Diabetic Toffee
"It gets rid of your sugar - says so on the packet". Um, I don't think it does.

Then I spotted all the empties of Pilsner down the side of the chair to which she says "All the sugar turns to alcohol so I can drink as much as I like". Doh!!

 

One of the things that really does annoy me is - you asl a question and they reply "who ? me?"

 

One from yesterday.

Patient, as I set up my equipment.

'You can take my nail varnish off for me dear, I didn't want to ask my daughter.'

Me, '!!! Err ok, just this once.'

After five minutes of struggling to get two layers of nail varnish off, which now was coating my gloves.

Patient, 'You havent got it all off.'

Me, I don't have time to spend getting every bit off.'

Patient, 'Huh! you make me laugh you girls.'

Me, sitting staring at her feet, teeth tightly clamped around my tongue.:craig::boxing:

Then her daughter came in and asked me if I'd give her a pedicure too!!!

I think I deserve a medal for not exploding! At least she understood when I painstakingly explained the difference between a pedicurist and a chiropodist, the mother just sniffed and said, 'All the same to me.'

GRRRRRR!!!!!:bang:

 

NEVER!!!!!!!

If they want a pedicure go there :hammer:

I do not want or will I have me and my sterile instruments covered in the remnants of a patients nail varnish

I just politely tell them " I see you are not thinking feet today " "and if you have a fungal infection or any other nail problem that I cannot see through your nail varnish.... My X-ray vision broke yesterday, you can make another appointment without you varnish and I will sort it out then"

Bloody clueless when they do that :bash:

Cheers
Derek

 

pt came in the other day,

"do my nails dear and skin on my feet, this is my annual foot treatment"

half way through the consult she says "if only you painted the nails when u did my pedicure"

I shot back " If only you washed your feet once and a while , guess we are both out of luck then hey!"

she remained quiet the rest of the consult.

 

I saw a patient today who graced me with a seizure during treatment!! No history of seizures, elderly chap. He unfortunately urinated during the process... the patient in the wait room obviously heard what was going on whilst i was dealing with the emergency services on the phone...she then went of to say,

"i'm not gonna sit on that chair am i!"

:craig:

dont ya just luv em

 

Made me snort that did!

 

Re: Things you never want to hear from patients

I just say, "you can't shock me". It's generally true. Certainly after some years in public health.

 

When I've just spent 20 minutes in rush hour traffic getting to a patient, I'm not going to leave without doing the work, but I think she got the message in the end. At least I hope she did!

 

!




Hope you took your 2 1/2 inch paint brush to repaint her nails with dulux
Be lucky
D

 

Just saw this 3 years on and had to put this one down, I don't think I need 3 with one as beautiful as this.....

My doctor told me it was a ganglion so I hit it with a really hard book and now it is agony (it was a dorsal 1st MTPJ exostosis)

.....I did write to the doctor questioning his diagnosis haha

 

Re: Things you never want to hear from patients

Yes, you can hear clients stories goes like this:

I do not know how to cut my toenails.

I hate to touch my feet.

I run out of varnish remove dear.

Why we have toenails for, can we just removed all them...and it just go on and on...

Why my feet smells when i wear expensive shoes....hahahaha

Sometimes i gave reply like "Shall we replace it with a rubber foot then"

:drinks Cheers

 

does anyone else get the "don't get old, dear/old age doesn't come alone,dear/variations thereof"?
Try getting them with a "dying young isn't a great alternative" and see what looks you get.

Also, pet peeve of mine-people coming in with wet shoes when it's not raining!!!

 

I got that "don't get old" all the time. My standard reply was that "I don't really like the alternative". They'd think about it for a while then smarten up when they figured out what I meant. The 60s who were just falling apart were the worst.

Of course I had quite a few young people who were putting 60k on their bikes 3 times a week, hiking 20k loops over rugged terrain, downhill skiing etc who were into their late 70's to even 90's (bike guy). They never complained about getting old.
That's not just because of good genes, though the ones who are falling apart would like to believe they have no control over it, part of the problem in the first place. External locus of control. Use it or lose it.

S

 

When I get this one, I say
'Well, as the great philosopher, Garfield says, 'I don't mind how many birthdays I have . . . . considering the alternative!'

It shuts them up with a laugh.

I try to be friendly to my patients, but I think I may be getting too close for comfort. When telling a patient that I had a nerw boyfriend, she asked, 'what's he like?'

'Oh,' I said 'Six foot five, brown hair, brown eyes, loves mo-jive and walking.'

'No, no!' says she, 'What's he like . . . . in bed?'

!!!!!!!!!

Cue rapid change of subject!

 

Of course I used to be "that nice young girl". Now I'm just "that woman" who refuses to see patients without an appointment! When exactly did that happen? My work/life balance sure is a lot better lately!

 

Pt today; "is there much calculus in there?"
Say what?

 

Man in yesterday, taking medical history, he stated the doctor "put me on Durex". Further questioning revealed he meant a diuretic

 

I think you can't beat the old " Gosh Dear , I hope me feet don't smell" as they expose soles caked with nauseating sweaty mud clumps of ick, clagged all in between their toes. I always reply "That makes two of us" as I reach for my gas mask and face shield. Of course, I mean it more than they will ever know .....