Things you never want to hear from podiatry patients

Overheard in the mid 90's from the adjacent, joined clinic room:

Pt: The toe didn't get better after I saw you last time....

Pod: I'm sorry, you should have called to arrange an earlier review.

Pt: Oh don't worry dear, I went to my doctor's - there is a proper nurse there and she took care of it..

Ouch !

Of course there is that patient (and I have heard this said myself, as well as colleagues) whose GP told her she now has 'very close veins'.

(AKA varicose veins) - oh well

I suspect there is a network of these people - the purpose of the group is to dream up news ways to irritate the crap out of us..... and now we have the internet, God Save Our Souls.

 

Do It Mark ... life is so short, if you're trying to impress what about an "astronaut" .. make it up as you go ..... throw in some biomechanical terms you know "sagittal planes", "medially deviated axes", "COM thingys"

Well said brother Dieter!

 

DSP,

Yes, but you are overlooking the most important question..........................................

"DID YOU GET THE ROOT OUT?"

Nick.

 

I had this one last week:

'I have congestive heart failure, diabetes (BGL are above 10), nephropathy, peripheral neuropathy and I am taking warfarin, aspirin, anti-epileptics and a myriad of other drugs. When can I have my nail surgery?'

Me: " I don't think you are a suitable candidate for nail surgery.'

Pt: 'Oh you don't want to do it coz you're scared?'

Grrrrrrrrrr:bash:

 

Re: Things you never want to hear from patients

I tell every podiatrist i meet about this thread. Its my favourite on the arena. And this story is my favourite on here.

My top three (but im only a new grad):
3. When my ENT surgeon asked, while looking up my nose!!!! "So, why would you want to look at feet all day" (I thought: well its better than noses, but i couldnt talk at the time)
2. So are these guaranteed to fix ALL my feet/leg/back/shoulder/tooth pain?
1. The worst ever for me was when i invited my husband's friend and his wife over for dinner, they bought there 3 kids, a friend of theirs and her 2 kids, and the wife, whom i've never met before says " Oh i forgot (hubby's name) said you worked with feet, i dont know if i want to eat food you've touched"
I wanted to slap her then and there but im a professional. ( I just spat in her food... j/k)

 

Well I had a 60ish female patient today who was into reiki, reflexology stuff.

ME: Oh yeah, its not really my school of thought, but it is interesting, yeah hummm...
(whilst rubbing in emollient)

PT: You know, after drinking alcohol, if you press on the big toe it's lovely. Stimulates the liver...

ME: (trying to sound involved) of really... I know if I ever manage to get a foot massage, I love it in here, behind the heel near the achilles (whilst doing it on the lady)

PT: (with stern look on face).. ooooh, thats the gonads love!


What could I say?

 

Your professionalism does you credit!

Ay thank you. I must admit i have been surprised at how far it has gone. The lesion of frustration was obviously in dire need of aspiration!

Let the poisons out people!

Regards
Robert

 

Re: Take the Mickey Out???

Taking medical history from a patient, I came to the issue of allergies. The patient said he wasn't allergic to anything 'major' but I wanted to cover the possibility of any topical allergens. The word 'topical' in Greek also means local. So, having not programmed my brain into the right language correctly, I asked the patient: "What about anything local?", to which he replied with no hesitation: "Kentish onions".

 

Good thread. Lovin it.

1. No, my shoes are not all the same. I have red ones too.

Pod: Really? That's helpful. Thanks.

2. (The patient with diabetes, heart troubles and a history of foot ulcers) "I haven't worn socks since I was in the war... where am I going to get socks from?... I'll find some to wear next time I come in."

Pod: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

3. Can you just to a pedicure?

Pod: What do you mean? I don't do pedicures.

Beth.

 

these classics:

1- is that how much it costs? i only want my toe nails cut

2- i need an urgent appointment- its been painful for 6/ 9/18 months

3- Do you use a brand new set of those ( my sterile package instruments) for every patient?

 

good one today

me: what are you on the warfarin for?

pt: thinning the blood

:craig:

 

How about:

1."You don't look old enough to be a sheeropodist" (shhhh!)
2. "Who does your feet? Do you do them yourself?"
3. "Is this what you do all day?" (cut nails)

:bang:

Mifiros

 

"Have you ever worked on the feet of animals in the zoo? that podiatrist has an interesting position."

WHAT THE???

 

1. "I could bring my dog in next time and you could do his nails at the same time"

2 . "Could I buy a set of them to use as secateurs in my garden?"

3. Pt "How long is the podiatry course"
Me "Four years"
Pt "It took you four years to learn how to cut toenails?" :bang:

4. Pt "I can barely walk so I need this sore heel fixed quickly as I'm going on a hiking holiday tomorrow for 4 weeks"
Me "How long has your foot been sore?"
Pt "18 months" :wacko:

 

I got told to tell people at parties and pubs etc that i was a gyno... minimal offers and a night free of harassment.

 

From an 80 year old woman:

"Oooh, you're a handsome young man... I wouldn't kick you out of bed!" *shudder*

Heard this a few times..

"The doctor thought it was heel spurs so he gave me a steroid injection. It didn't work!"

As an aside, when did injection therapy become become first line treatment for plantar fasciitis???

 

Also, from a radiologist whilst working privately:

"I'm surprised you can still get a chiropody on the NHS, I'd have thought they would have cut back on non essential services like toenail cutting."

Over-paid bloody photographers!

 

I remember that one. Poor Sam. We had to take the Hibiscrub away before he removed all his skin (said he felt dirty.

No worries M8, i gave her your number.

Love this one.

How about
"when can we see you?"
"oh any time dear, i'll fit around you, i know how important it is"
"How about Tuesday afternoon"
"oh, can't do tuesdays, got my day club"
"Monday morning"
"hairdresser"
"Wednesday afternoon"
"my daughter comes over"
"thursday?"
"Away thursday"
"Friday?"
"Can't do firday afternoon"
"Friday morning then?"
"yes thats fine!"
"1000 am ?"
"can't be here that early dear"
"when can you do then?!"
"oh any time. Between 1100 and 1130 on friday.":bang:

Regards
Robert

 

Ooh Sam,

& I'll bet she hasn't even heard you sing.

Now, what was that song we all enjoyed ?..................... Hmmm began with a V.....

 

Whilst obtaining medical history from a pt with single VP, he informed me "it is completely impossible for me to get ANY virus including cancer" because he was taking acanacia! I wasn`t sure whether or not I should burst his bubble....

Also had a fella in last week;
pt, "Can you smell anything?"
me, "No, why?"
pt, "oh nothing really, just my bag is rather full"

Ah Twirls, the `V` song, it`s all coming back now. Sam did tell us that he liked older women, did he not?

Cheers,
Bel

 

Must be my memory that's going Bel.

Only line I can remember was 'Some of em are hairy, some of 'em are bald.''

Was it about old women?

Did their name begin with 'V'? Like erm, erm, Vera or Violet

Can only remember it made Del cry........ :empathy:

 

top posting Robert

20 years of it, still grates a tad! then they complain they can't get in in (6) weeks!

 

Something I never, ever want to hear from a patient:

"Recently (last 6 months) I have been using the bike to improve my fitness.
I usually do between 2 and 4 hours (20 - 45miles) over hilly terrain on and off road. I tend to pedal with just the ball of my foot on the pedal. However since last week, after about 1 hour riding I get a really excruciating burning, stabbing pain in, what feels like the 4th 5th digits. Getting off the bike and standing immediately relieves the pain and if I walk around for 30 seconds or so I can cycle for another hour.
I am assuming there is irritation of the digital nerve in the 3rd interspace since squeezing it reproduces the pain but more in the 4th toe.
What kind of modification can I make either in shoe or to the pedal to relieve this.
It does not hurt at all when walking but then I do not walk for hours at a time since I have a spinal stenosis that prevents me doing this.

As you understand I can't give much info on riding biomechanics since I can't watch myself. However I am just about to purchase some 2D video analysis equipment so perhaps I will be able to do this soon.

I have always worn wide fitting deep toe box shoes since I tend to have deep met heads and retracted 2nd. The right foot that is giving pain is slightly valgus in the forefoot and previuos 3D video and force plate analysis shows that I do supinate after heel strike and then go into pronation with a STJ ROM of around 8-10dgs and max pronation of STJ about 6-7dgs.

I made myself orthoses (OTC modified)several years ago which were very succesful in relieving bunion pain and hip pain plus resolving a 5th mpj plantar h.d. I wear them all the time and replace them as required.
I'm not sure how orthoses are applicable to cycling since there is only a reaction force acting on the met heads.

I'll try a valgus post in the forefoot and check that my shoes are wide enough and see what happens.
Actually, today I did look at the sole of my shoes that I usually use for cycling and there is a wear hole right under the 3rd 4th met area. So perhaps a new pair with a more rigid sole might be better to spread the local forces.

It is strange how its quite difficult to be objective on yourself without some feedback.

I can see how this is possible with cleated shoes since there torque can be transmitted thru the shoe sole and so apply forces at the heel that have origin at the forefoot.

Yes if I can get the foot pushing off on the 1st 2nd met heads more than the 3rd 4th then this should stop the pain. I can actually reproduce the pain by standing in tip toe on the right foot only. Naturally I bear weight on the 3rd 4th met heads, by conciously everting the rearfoot the pressure is borne by the 1st 2nd heads and the pain is relieved.

etc...."

All this as you're about to look for a mulder's click, send him for an ultrasound scan and offer a corticosteroid for what sounds like a neuroma. All those angles, dangles, torque and moments and there's still no diagnosis or treatment! It's always good to have a look in the box before thinking outside of it.

 

:good::good::good:

 

At a Party... I have a friend who has got.... what do you think they should do........ second word OFF

Same party .... I have this.... with my foot and its....blah bla.....

Reply I'm sorry my dear why are you asking me about your foot problems ??..

.....They said you were a shhhiirropodist

Reply.. I'm sorry you must have misheard my dear I' a GYNECOLOGIST now what were you saying

Same party .. What do you do for a living.... Reply I'm a helicopter pilot , it's an up and down occupation , excuse me I must get another drink to get away from the boring bastards at this function

Cheers

Derek

 

Hi Twirls /Bel

Oh You mean this one

Not for the faint hearted BTW

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHJA8M0diVw

Oh yes for days afterwards tears of laughter

He performed it with such sincerity dont you think

Well done Sam:drinks

perhaps we should have a recording in our surgeries to get our own back on some of em !!!

Cheers
D

 

OMG! No.

I can just imagine Violet (age 83) humming along & doing her best to learn the words in time for her next appt!!!

I had enough trouble trying to advise her that telling the Doctor her husbands 'balls were killing him'' would result in an inappropriate referral, that she would be far better explaining his corns under his foot were rather painful.

Ho Hum....... :empathy:

 

Hi Twirls

Ahh yes but we all know she will have forgotten them by the time she arrived :wacko:

Dementia does have it's benefits sometimes you know

Cheers
Derek

 

Re: Things you never want to hear from patients

Oh my offsider often has to debrief about the things said to her. My favourite is her reply to " ohhh why would a loovely young girl like you want to play with dirty feet."
Oh i can do feet all day, its just the people at the end of them!!!!

Nice come back hey

 

Whilst doing a new patient assessment:

Me: "Are you on any medication?"
Pt: "Not for my toes."

And another one: as I was going through the new pt assessment forms, asking about operations, fractures, allergies, any history of infectious diseases in the family, tb, cardiovascular problems, diabetes,etc, the pt goes: "All of this do get my nails cut? Just do the job love". At which point, I pretended not to have heard him and just carried on.
:deadhorse:

Oh, doesn't it feel good to let the steam out!

Mifiros

 

As a private practioner I used to think " goody goody, regular income" but when they say ' I wont come next month dear because I've got an appointment at the Hospital foot clinic' thats what I don't want to hear!!!

 

Or a Podiatry Student

this is taken from another thread in reply to Simon Spooner about Kevin Kirby

Now has she got Balls or what !!!

I havent stopped laughing since I read it

Thanks for the Smile Emma

dont ever change

cheers
Derek

 

Hi all- my first posting wooooo!!!

This actually happened to a friend of mine- it made me laugh!
towards end of house call
Patient: would you like a cup of tea
Pod: Oh yes please!
(must mention patient has a dog)
Patient: there you go.
dog enters room and goes mental!!
Pod: ARGH!!
Patient: Oh don't worry he's only angry because you're using his cup!!!
Neddless to say the he has never accepted a cup of tea since.

Also don't you find it annoying when patients tempt fate? Eg. that looks quite sharp- better not cut me dear!! Ooops has been my response many a time lol!!

 

Great first posting louise! :welcome:

In fact, in general, when you are doing a dom and a dog which is only called a dog because horses are rarely found indoors, with paws like dinner plates, claws which leave furrows in the flagstone floor, 2 inch fangs dripping rabid froth, glowing red eyes and growling a growl which starts in its throat and ends in someone elses advances on you menacingly with death a promise in every straining muscle and steely talon you don't want to here...

"oh he's just a big softee, just poke him if he's a nuisance!"

 

was on a dom many moons ago where the pt removed slipper to reveal nice ulcer on dorsum of the foot which the dog immediately proceeded to lick

 

The welcome world of weird'os

"Can i have them nail clippings they make good plant food!"

 

Hi All

On Doms again I had a Yorkshire terrier darting out from under my chair and eating the clippings

Being one to never miss a business opportunity I thought ...

Nail flavoured dog chews ...

Could never work it out how to market them

Cheers
Derek

 

This was from a few weeks ago, and still causes us to stifle loud amounts of laughter ....

A patient returned for her first follow up from a surgical procedure. A discernible stench was wafting from her post-op shoe, and she was asked what she had been getting into.

"I have 5 chickens and 2 dogs, and I can't just lay around."

The doctor replied, "Sounds to me like you have 5 too many chickens."

The patient sat silently, her face twisted in serious thought. After a few moments and what appeared to be an epiphany she burst, "I don't even like eggs that much!"

Let it never be said that the characters in "Deliverance" are fictitious!

 

"Do you podiatrists massage feet and give pedicures, because my son has diabetes and his feet need to be massaged". Why do you need to assess his blood supply?

 

On a dom visit. Small dog held by patient while I sorted feet with numerous calluses.

" Missy will be upset.... she usually bites off those hard things for me" and

"Oh just leave my socks off. Missy just loves to lick between my toes. Saves me from bending down to clean them!"

Oh thank God for gloves, clinidet and a strong stomach