Things you never want to hear from podiatry patients

"The doctor at the hospital not to dress it and to wipe it with surgical spirit morning and night"

From the diabetic with a large necrotic ulcer and tracking infection.

 

!!! Yikes!!!

I once saw a neuropathic pt who had been to A&E complaining of pain in his foot, so they ignored the herald signs of ulceration and advised he stop wearing his bespoke shoes... It was a bit of a mess by the time we saw it, most of the plantar surface was missing.

Also, I have heard 'but I let the dog lick it - they lick their own wounds to encourage healing so I thought it would help'

 

Would you mind stopping for a minute, I'm having a funny turn. I don't like anybody 'playing about' with my feet . (? ? ? )

 

A bed-bound poor old darling (Bathurst nursing home), after I had pulled back the sheet from her feet and sat at the foot of the bed to trim her nails, started to sing, to a tune I couldn't pick,
"It's coming down the channel", repeated over and over
well I should've thought quicker especially when the 'wall of smell' hit me\
She had 'warned' me, the channel I worked out was probably gastro-intestinal tube but her two legs seemed to 'channel' it fine

 

"Do you have some paper towel? My ostomy bag is leaking."

 

"The nurse at the wart clinic couldn't tell me if there was any wart left on my toe. Is there any wart left there?"

Not quite as bad as burning, he come in with a 2nd digit apical HD. He had been in the office a few years before for the same, but opted for free care at the wart clinic, liquid nitrogen every month for a year or so. The nurse at the free wart clinic told him she couldn't tell if there was any wart left, he could come back here to find out. :bang:

"I want a refund, doctor So-and-so said it's fungus, not a corn. Are you a member of the better business bureau? I'm calling to complain"

I told him he could continue with the cream if he wanted to but was welcome to come back for debridement when the corn returned. He did about a month later, with tail between legs.

Also a very good doctor (seriously, one of the best in town!) had been treating a gentleman with palmo-plantar keratoderma or similar inherited skin disorder with liquid nitrogen for his "warts". I think he backed off the liberal use of liquid nitrogen after my letter thanking him for the referral and discussing my suspicions.

I wonder if the patients would take my diagnosis more seriously if I got to use the Dr. title too??

Sarah

 

I love it when they walk in for initial fitting wearing stilettos.........not....

 

At least those can have a heel counter!

Flip flops are my personal fav...

"I didn't know you wanted me to bring my shoes to my orthotic fitting, no one told me that"

 

"The Physio advised I come and see you to check the shoes I run in are appropriate"

"Where are the shoes?"

"In my gym bag"

"Where's your gym bag?"

"At home"

 

two weeks ago... this really did happen...

elderly lady limps into clinic breathless.... and says...

"i went to see my friend today, and i had this pain in my chest... then i went giddy and i was really shocked as i vomited... i have not vomited for about 20 yrs... i dont know why i was sick... i should have gone home but i so wanted my nails cut i didnt want to miss my appointment today"

patient was ashen grey, irregular pluse and bless her had just had quite obviously a mild MI.

I was at a clinic with a GP attached and a quick shout to the reception had the GP heading to my room with a shout to 999...

then while on oxygen on my bench being attended by the paramedics... having another attack... asks "can you do them [toe nails] quick before they take me to the hospital"

it kinda felt cruel to say NO...

 

Didn't really hate hearing this but it made things a bit weird.
"How long do these sperms usually last?"

 

Variation on that theme

"I'm having trouble with the orthotics."

"whats the problem?"

"They rub a bit"

"can I see?"

"No. I took them out because the rub a bit."

 

A patient comes through the door.

"Good morning, my name is Shahin and Im one of the Podiatrist".

"Hello I havent been in here before, Im actually a nurse".

After going through medical history, medication, allergies and socially factors, the patient turns around and says.

"Was that at all necessary?"

 

"These orthotics aren't working"

Me, after I easily bend his shoes in half, "These aren't really an appropriate shoe for these orthotics. You need a sturdier shoe."

"Oh I never wear these, I just put them on today because the orthotics were in them."

:bang:

 

never ceases to amaze me when i spend hard earned cash on an advert in the local paper for someone to ring and say "this is a free service right isn't it?"

Yeah, i feel like saying "yeah, i spend money on adverts and rent to provide high quality effective foothealth care (at a reasonable rate) FREE OF CHARGE!!!!!!"

 

I've brought this ..holding up evil-smelling withered yellowing felt pad .. From my last podiatrist so you can copy it.

Or ..it can't be these shoes causing the corn, they're so comfortable, I wear them all the time . .

Staring at stretched and battered shoes .. No, they aren't the wrong size, I've taken size 4 since I was fifteen ..

Or, aged 89 , .. I never used to have any trouble when I was young, only since I started seeing you ..

 

Had a patient who used to come in with a whole bag of these in various sizes. Some were months old.

She proudly told me she'd discovered a way to "reactivate the adhesive" allowing her to re use them for months on end. I was all ears.

Wherupon she took the yellowest, most elderly piece of what once would have been felt out of the freezer bag where it was nicely fermenting and licked the sticky side, before re attatching it to her foot.

One of the more stomach churning moments of my career.

 

I wish I hadn't read that Robert...!!

 

*speechless*

 

I think the word your looking for is tasteless

 

I don't know, I suspect it tasted quite strong!. Not sure I'm curious enough to find out what of though.

 

Chicken ?

 

No, its not cowardice, I just don't want to catch athletes tongue.

 

Not that you are Chicken all weird things are said to taste like Chicken.

Snake taste like Chicken

etc etc

 

For educational purposes.

 

Oooohhhh.

Didn't realise

 

Ye know too much! Riddle me this; Why doesn`t KFC taste like chicken? Maybe it`s chicken, maybe it`s not.

 

I know I'm a bit late off the starting blocks but these all gave me a good laugh much to my children's dismay. Obviously I don't have much to laugh at. It's reassuring ti know we all hear the same things.
Because I rarely run late when I do I get patients knocking on the clinic door after 2mins saying we didn't think you were in. No I usually leave the clinic front door unlocked the lights heating and music on just for fun and make their appointments deliberately on a day I'm not working'!!!!!!'!!!

 

It is the secret blend of herbs and spices confuses the issue

PS I thought Robert the KFC king

Robert next time you cook you can impress the Family with home cooked KFC

 

Eeeuw!!!

 

This happened yesterday at 5.10 in the evening - honest!

Message on answer phone, "this is ***" (can't clearly hear name but think it's Mrs M**), "can you put some new insoles in the post for me, the old ones are uselss." patient leaves phone number.

I ring back, speak to husband, " sorry but I think your wife wants the NHS podiatrist because she's not one of my patients, she needs to ring the local office"

2 minutes later phone rings again "You just spoke to my husband, as I said, can you put the insoles in the post to me, I can't be bothered to come in and see you again, you were quite happy to post them out last time" It sounds as if the woman lives in a tunnel as there's quite an echo on the line.

Me: "It wasn't me you saw, it was someone from the NHS, I'm a private podiatrist, and I would never post insoles to someone, I'd want to make sure they did the job I wanted them too."

Mrs M** "Yes it was you, you've got a dark bob (I HAVE!) and you told me off for wearing my slippers to the appointment (believe me - I would have!!). so I'm now searching my patient list to establish where she is one of my patients while there's splashing noises from the other end, I think perhaps she's multi tasking and washing up.

Me: "I assure you Mrs M** you are not one of my patients, you need the NHS number"

A long and protracted conversation follows where it is established that she really hasn't seen me but the NHS Podiatrist. She informs me that she's recently been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, that she now has terrible pain in her foot and down the front of her leg. She wants the insoles posted because she has a severely disabled 18 year old daughter and arranging care for the family to attend appointments is difficult. I suggest that as these symptoms are new she should still go back to the Podiatrist and have a fresh assessment.

We also confirm that if that waiting list is too long, that she can always ring me back and come and see me, but that there would be a cost implication.

All the time there are these strange echoing splashing noises, and just as she's about to ring off, she says

"Well I should get out of the bath now, I've been having a vanilla moment - do you know it's really difficult to wash and talk on the phone at the same time and the rest of them are queuing up to get in here"

 

1. Old patiënt of mine asked if i could call a cab (taxi) for here the first time. Had to wait for 15 minutes with her ans listen to her stories about her back problems...

The second time, she asked me to call her son in law to come get her...he was running late so we waited for 1/2 hour she had to sit at my desk since i have no waiting room.

2. This other patient: began reading out loud her medical history that i got from her fisician. After reading she looks stunned and says 'I came just for some orthotics actually...' BUURRN.

3. While i was treating mom's ingrown nail, her young doughter (approx. 10yrs old) was feeling unwell and threw up on my carpet- I stopped the treatment to clean up. Afterwards mom said " can you do my other foot aswell" - GRRRRR

 

I've had one or two patients object to filling out a medical form prior to treatment and when I point out I am unable to treat them unless they do they say 'but it only my feet , why do you need to know all that.'

 

Well, I feel we've reached the point where I can
share my worst two:
I was twenty, my life was ahead of me, a student at London Foot, I had just finished an hour of careful treatment on a tiny withered Asian gent. We had barely spoken.
As he pulled his scratchy nylon socks on he said' thank you, you did a good treatment.
Will you marry me? aargh!

The other was a waxy liverish looking bloke , unwashed, greasy.
'How've you been keeping' I asked.
'I've had terrible diarrhoea, pouring out of me, it's been terrible'
'never mind, slip your shoes and socks off'
Shoes quite sniffy.
Started pre op ing. Inter digital dried poo.
Heave ho x

 

One thing about semicompressed felt is that it has fabulous absorbative qualities - especially with faecal and urinary emissions. Recognisable in felt pads by the deep ochre colour and unique aroma. Seems to adhere repeatedly - even after several months of wear - and reputedly more effective than duct tape for VPs.....

 

I think I'll take the vps!

 

EWWWWW!!!!!!

Okay that tops my "EWWWWWW" moment: I ran out of surgical masks, clipped a major gryphotic 2 inch thick nail with secondary O/M and just as I laughed at one of the patient's jokes...WHAMO.... that sucker did a back flip and lodged into my throat and I gagged ( swear to God it had eyes). The worst part is I had to look "cool and calm" and pretended that nothing happened and I simply stepped out of the room momentarily and yacked in the toilet!!!! Yuk! Hey, let's start a "EEEEWWWW" thread for lighter humour?! Anyone wish to share their "moment "?!

 

Footman;

Go easy on the coffee, man :morning:

 

Other things you hear and have to roll your eyes:

1. " So, these darn orthotics "better" work if I'm spending that kind of money on them or I'll be back like a tick on a hog"!

2. "So, what does the actual orthotic cost you from the lab?"!

3. "Aren't these the absolute "worst" feet you ever saw?!"

4. "'They" told me that after I wear my orthotics for about a month my feet will self-correct and I won't need tham anymore?! Is that true?!"

5. "What do you think of these orthotics I got down the hall from your competitor?!"

6. "Do these shoes make my feet look fat?!"

7. " My husband said I had 'goat's feet', do you agree?!"

8. "Is wearing 7 inch heels bad for your back and feet?"

9. "Can you write me a perscription for the orthotics so I can do down the road and get my orthotics?!"

10. "So, are you a real doctor?!"


Okay, anyone pop in here and give me their "TOP 10" nightmare things you don't want to hear in your office!!!

Eezy Peezy

 

HAAH!!!! OMG! Look what I have started??!!! I knew I would get great "top 10 moments" from this post! I love the one with the "seals" in the waiting room and throwing them a fish!!! LMAO!!! Who said that again?!!!!

Nice to laugh about our profession on the "lighter side" versus 99% of studies, articles, serious discussions...this is awesome!!!! Small world it is!!

You are not alone!

I would love "patients" to start reading these posts.....that would be insane!