Welcome to the Podiatry Arena forums

You are currently viewing our podiatry forum as a guest which gives you limited access to view all podiatry discussions and access our other features. By joining our free global community of Podiatrists and other interested foot health care professionals you will have access to post podiatry topics (answer and ask questions), communicate privately with other members, upload content, view attachments, receive a weekly email update of new discussions, access other special features. Registered users do not get displayed the advertisements in posted messages. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our global Podiatry community today!

  1. Have you considered the Clinical Biomechanics Boot Camp Online, for taking it to the next level? See here for more.
    Dismiss Notice
Dismiss Notice
Have you considered the Clinical Biomechanics Boot Camp Online, for taking it to the next level? See here for more.
Dismiss Notice
Have you liked us on Facebook to get our updates? Please do. Click here for our Facebook page.
Dismiss Notice
Do you get the weekly newsletter that Podiatry Arena sends out to update everybody? If not, click here to organise this.

Things you never want to hear from podiatry patients

Discussion in 'Podiatry Trivia' started by Robertisaacs, Aug 29, 2007.

Tags:
  1. Mr C.W.Kerans

    Mr C.W.Kerans Active Member

    This thread seems set to run and run. Let us not forget that old favorite as to why the feet had not been attended to - not even the toenails trimmed - for almost a year; " I would have been here sooner but my daughter had a baby."
     
  2. Sarah-Jane

    Sarah-Jane Member

    After taking plaster casts (on a perfectly mobile individual)

    Patient: So do you want me to wash my feet off in this water in this basin?
    Me: Yes
    Patient: Do I do it myself or will you do it for me?
    Me:..............................do it yourself..........sigh
     
  3. RobinP

    RobinP Well-Known Member

    The beauty of cling film
     
  4. AnthonyS

    AnthonyS Welcome New Poster

    Things you don't want to hear from patients:

    Hunsband: "Honey, my fingernails seems quite long"
    Wife: "Don't worry, the Podiatrist will clip those for you"

    how many manicures have you done???
     
  5. scalikeet

    scalikeet Member

    One of my favs " i have this one fingernail......"
    if you can do toenails why cant you look at my fingernails ?
    If only i had a dollar everytime i heard this!
     
  6. Works a treat in that situation! :drinks How do you overcome the problem of them going blue and dying if you leave it over their mouths for too long though? My patio is starting to look more like a raised garden!
     
  7. phil

    phil Active Member

    Hmmm, looks like you're leaving it on too long.

    No matter what, you need to start a compost heap. And you need to make sure you get the carbon to nitrogen ratio right or it just wont work.
     
  8. MJJ

    MJJ Active Member

    You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig ****, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
     
  9. phil

    phil Active Member

    hey MJJ,

    so that's how you roll in saskatoon? your expertise in this area is disturbing. and fascinating. i've got relatives in Saskatchewan and even lived there for a few months.

    i wondered what they fed the pigs during those long cold winters.
     
  10. buddy abdul-ahad

    buddy abdul-ahad Welcome New Poster

    can you recommend me to a good nail saloon?
     
  11. MJJ

    MJJ Active Member

    I do know some pig farmers, but it's an English trick. Where in Saskatchewan are your relatives?

     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 22, 2016
  12. phil

    phil Active Member

    I remembered the scene from Snatch as soon as you mentioned the pig thing. Great movie, very gritty.

    My wife's mum was one of 13 children in a huge german catholic prarie family, so the best question to ask is "where in Saskatchwan aren't my relatives". The're mainly around the Alberta/ Saskatchwan border, tiny little place called Maklin. But they're everywhere all over the west half of Canada, which is what made it such a great place to do a gap year- free places to stay as far as the eye can see.

    Getting the thread back on track, has anyone mentioned this one yet-

    Something I never want to hear again...

    "$82 for an appointment? Over in (insert some other town/ practice/ planet) it only costs me (insert some markedly reduced fee, the likes of which is could not charge unless I had no interest in running a profitable practice).

    To which the only logical answer I can give is- "Why are you here, not there? Is it to taunt me, and provoke me to commit homicidal cling film related atrocities? Please, do us all a favour and return to this wonderful semi-mythical place of podiatric care, and never return"

    I mean- I WISH I said that. That would have been cool.
     
  13. MJJ

    MJJ Active Member

    Yesterday we had a guy in who likes to book his appointments based on numbers that have a good vibe. When booking his follow-up he asked "Can I have an appointment on the 33rd?"
     
  14. Suzannethefoot

    Suzannethefoot Active Member

    One from today.

    Shown in to see a lovely old lady who had dementia.

    'Oh it's you dear. I'm afraid I haven't washed my feet . . .since you were here six weeks ago.' :eek:

    Luckily she had.
     
  15. MJJ

    MJJ Active Member

    "Do you need me to take my nail polish off? It's shellac."
     
  16. louisa50

    louisa50 Active Member

    This made me laugh so much I was almost ill!!!!

    I can't believe nobody has commented on the one thing I get asked 500 times a day from the beginning of April through to the end of October:

    "Have you had your holiday yet?"

    Also guaranteed to make me leave the room sharpish with acute irritation:

    "Don't grow old dear" (at least 20 times a week)

    My nails are so long I can't walk, I need to come every 4 weeks (on examination about 1 mm of nail regrowth and not eligible for NHS podiatry in the first place but we've been seeing them for the past 20 years)

    I'm not allowed to touch my feet I'm a diabetic.

    I can't reach my feet to do anything with them *leans down to tweak each toe in turn and twiddle corns etc*

    Have you been watching the tennis/olympics/darts/snooker *insert tedious sport of choice*

    Isn't it hot/cold/rainy/damp/humid etc today *insert weather condition of choice*

    During the war I............................

    Pt comes in with horrendous pus filled, massively hypergranulated ingrowing toenail and proceeds to poke it repeatedly to "show" me how bad it is. Wipes pus finger on chair, jumper etc.

    My GP says I need to be seen every 3 weeks (person not eligible for NHS podiatry and is wearing 6 inch stilettos)
     
  17. louisa50

    louisa50 Active Member

    "The podiatrist I saw last time said you would do the insoles and make me new otoforms today, and I'll need my nails doing and my corns removed as well".

    Me: Really *disbelief*
     
  18. Peter1234

    Peter1234 Active Member

    1. why would anyone want to work with feet?
    2. why did you choose to become a podiatrist?
    3. whats the difference between a podiatrist and a chiropodist?
    4. you must see a lot of horrible feet?
    5. are my feet the worst ones you've seen?
    6. the other podiatrist cut my foot (ie if you cut me i will tell on you also)
    7.patient: doctor.. my foot is ... .me: I am not a doctor, i am a podiatrist... patient continues to adress me as a doctor....i say i am not a doctor, i am a podiatrist
     
  19. louisa50

    louisa50 Active Member

    And repeat ad nauseam for the next 20 minutes :D
     
  20. DTT

    DTT Well-Known Member

    But they're OLD :dizzy:

    Have a little more patience with them and LISTEN to what they tell you about the war:empathy:

    Maybe one day who knows you may have influence into stopping anything like that happening again EVER !! :drinks

    From me ( an old guy)

    Be Lucky

    Cheers
    D;)
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2012
  21. Elizabeth Humble-Thomas

    Elizabeth Humble-Thomas Active Member

    DTT, you are old, like me. They're old.
    , not their old. Don't let us oldies down.
    I agree, listen to your patients and learn.
     
  22. Tkemp

    Tkemp Active Member

    (insert relation of choice) of Patient: while we're here can you look at my feet too.... not that I expect treatment...or anything.... just so I know what's wrong with them... because.. I have (insert condition of choice) too

    Me: :bang:
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2012
  23. cms.007

    cms.007 Welcome New Poster

    A patient after telling you their whole, entire history of a corn, asking for a job!
     
  24. Peter

    Peter Well-Known Member

    Recently had a pt telling me about his WWII antics, and was impressed, being shot down over Holland, being rescued by a Holland family, smuggled into Northern France etc., only to realise after he left the building, he was born in 1932, making him 13 at the end of the war!
     
  25. Mike Plank

    Mike Plank Active Member

    One of my patients once told me they had "Old Timers Disease", I think you'll find its called Alzheimers Disease. I also had someone say once they were suffering from "various veins". Also how many times have you been told by your patient that they have "Prostrate" problems. So that means you have problems lying face down? Oh you mean Prostate!
     
  26. Mike Plank

    Mike Plank Active Member

    One of my patients once told me they had "Old Timers Disease", I think you'll find its called Alzheimers Disease. I also had someone say once they were suffering from "various veins". Also how many times have you been told by your patient that they have "Prostrate" problems. So that means you have problems lying face down? :confused: Oh you mean Prostate!
     
  27. Mr C.W.Kerans

    Mr C.W.Kerans Active Member

    Lady patient says "I'll just be ready in a minute" as they go behind the screen, emerging shortly after wearing knickers and a smile! (My answer to this is to smile back and say "You had better put your trousers on or you could catch a chill".)
     
  28. louisa50

    louisa50 Active Member

    I've learnt plenty thanks, I've been working in the NHS for 30 years, unfortunately I'm at that age when my patience is very thin but my waistline isn't :sinking:
     
  29. horseman

    horseman Active Member

    Not so much a hate but I had trouble keeping a staight face during the medical history when she told me "I had a lot of trouble with my utopia last year":confused:

    And the first fee of the day offering £50 pound note with "I'm sorry I haven't got change..." answer 'well thats only fair, neither have I'

    At parties most people get the hint at the reply 'you wouldn't believe my out of office antisocial consultation fee' if that doesn't work try taking their address fot the invoice!

    Met a nice couple and their children on holiday, it took three days and I was asked about occupation. When I told them the reply was "Thank God, someone else who understands that their condtion isn't the most interesting thing for me today" they were both GPs.:empathy:

    Another friend waits a while having informed the listener he is a Doctor and when they get to piles and bowel movements tell the he is a Doctor of Divinity. Never failes to crack me up at their faces.
     
  30. DTT

    DTT Well-Known Member

    In my clinic last week:-

    Me, Good morning what can I do for you?

    Patient, Ermm Ive got this pain in my feet that comes and goes depending on which trousers I wear .

    Me, Err sorry run that one past me again.

    Patient, repeats statement.

    Me, can I ask ( biting lip to suppress hysterical laughter) is it you shorts that hurt your feet more that your long trousers ?

    Patient, NO I think it is my long trousers that cause more pain.

    Me, ( by now eyes watering , blaming hay fever) and do you wear the same shoes with your shorts and long trousers ?

    Patient, No I wear sandals or trainers with my shorts and leather shoes with my trousers.

    Me,( Now choking to suppress laughter) do you think its possible it is your shoes that are giving you foot pain rather than your trousers.

    Patient, POSSIBLY I hadn't thought of that !!!

    At that point I had to excuse myself for a moment to find a quiet place where I could slide down the wall laughing.

    Cheers
    D;)
     
  31. dsfeet

    dsfeet Active Member

    thanks for that one dtt, cracked me up just reading it! best laugh i've had all day
     
  32. Elizabeth Humble-Thomas

    Elizabeth Humble-Thomas Active Member

    During the very hot spell we had earlier this year (remember?) a twenty something girl, studying here at Oxford for a PhD (so presumably among the top 1% of the countries intelligentsia) arrived for her first appointment with me.
    She was distraught. Due to run in the London marathon she explained, but now she had developed this terrible fungal skin condition, her feet were gross, and so sore she said.
    Take off your Ugg boots and we'll have a look I replied. She revealed the offending feet, White, macerated, sore. How often do you wear these sheepskin boots I asked.
    Oh! They're so comfy I wear them all the time she replied, adjusting her sundress.
    What can I do? What's the treatment?
    I wiped my sweaty brow.
    Trench foot, self inflicted....
     
  33. Rory Cocker

    Rory Cocker Welcome New Poster

    Sorry I can't attend today my husband has just died and he brought my father and myself for our Podiatry appointments - It's such an inconvenience!!!!!

    Or

    A patient who lived in a tower block phoned to say ---- Just to let you know Mrs ***** has died!

    She had an appointment for next week - could I have it as she can't attend!!
     
  34. freyja43

    freyja43 Welcome New Poster

    Re: Things you never want to hear from patients

    Yup I've had this happen but the best one in a pub in gen conversation
    "Oh yes I've got fungal nails and now I've got jockey's itch"
     
  35. louisa50

    louisa50 Active Member

    At 3pm........."Am I your last patient". :hammer:
     
  36. Elizabeth Humble-Thomas

    Elizabeth Humble-Thomas Active Member

    With a decent fee, and a 10 am start, and an hour for lunch, I often finish at 3 pm
     
  37. Elizabeth Humble-Thomas

    Elizabeth Humble-Thomas Active Member

    Get into private practice x
     
  38. Fraoch

    Fraoch Active Member

    Favourite from last month ; "OH, you make orthotics do you? Well I have PORTABLE orthotics!"

    Not sure if I was supposed to be impressed.......
     
  39. Fraoch

    Fraoch Active Member

    And then the disturbing one from last week from one of my younger clients.....

    "You're awesome F, even when you're baked".

    I would like to point out (as I had to the client) that i was severely jet lagged. Really REALLY jet lagged. Never going back to Europe again, I'm too old.
     
  40. RobinP

    RobinP Well-Known Member

    "Panty Flashi - i-tits" This is the most potentially inappropriate way I have heard it said. People have been locked up for less
     
Loading...

Share This Page