Things you never want to hear from podiatry patients

Originally Posted by BayPod:
"Also how many people stopped telling people their occupation in pubs, parties etc. Ive had many a foot plonked on a bar in front of me."

Well...........I have been at many parties where a woman will hear I am a Podiatrist and will proceed to immediately take off her shoe and put her foot up as high as she can to my face to get my spontaneous opinion......So, I say to her, "What would you do if I was a Gynecologist?"



Actually in reality I have never done that but I have told this joke I've made up dozens of times through the years to only very cool people I know well and not in a professional setting. Gotten very big laughs.

Dr. Mel J. Colon, DPM and CEO
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• Occupational Medicine/Work Injuries
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Stop it ...your slaying me!!!!

 

Don't you just love the conversation where you try to explain that the HD on the OUTSIDE of their little toe is down to shoes. It can only be down to shoes, they're the only thing which touches that bit of your foot, but you try explaining that to a three foot tall yoda lookalike who is 2,498 years old and still wears court shoes because ...

"i don't want to wear lace ups, they make me look old"

In the words of Lord melchett "they twist and turn like a, a, a twisty turny thing"

 

Is'nt interesting that the comments from across the world are so similar? Obviously patients are patients wherever they may be.

 

Re: Things you never want to hear from patients

What about..."I thought about becoming a bowell surgeon but got cold feet."

Nyuk Nyuk

 

Funniest comment yet... I love Little Britain! Or at least I hope that's what you were referring too Mr Robeer...

By the way, the most annoying question I get (on an almost weekly basis) is:

"So when do you finish your university studies?"

Ummm.....

 

I've often been told by patients "ooh you have got lovely warm hands" and I have always wanted to reply "yes, I should have been a gynaecologist!"

 

Here's another one:

"Can you push my cuticles down please ?"

Anyone else ever get that one?

 

Well...........I have been at many parties where a woman will hear I am a Podiatrist and will proceed to immediately take off her shoe and put her foot up as high as she can to my face to get my spontaneous opinion......So, I say to her, "What would you do if I was a Gynecologist?"



That's is good ...and I will use it, if given the opportunity! I once encountered someone who, on my informing him of my profession, said - " I suppose I should tell you to get stuffed !!". I must admit I was rather perplexed until it dawned on me that this was his attempt at humour after confusing podiatrist with taxidermist (well, they do both end in ist, and at the end of a long clinical day I am pretty stuffed, in Australian vernacular terminology rather than British)

 

I must get this every day:

"I went to a shoe store and walked across a platform which showed the pressures underneath my feet. From this they (the 16 year old school kid) concluded that I needed the $260 stability shoes to support my feet. Now you're telling me I'm neutral and I don't need this support! But they had a pressure mat."

Yes, you're right. A 16 year old school kid knows more about gait than I do.

 

The two I really hate are:
Where do I sit? (ah does the big chair not give it away)
Do I take my shoes off? (ah no.... what do you think you are here for!!)

 

A few things that tend to bother me:

1. Do you paint the tonails as well?
2. How much is this going to cost me? (after I have just dedicated 45mins to them)
3. Can we claim through medicare or do you bulk bill? (no it's up to your Doc)
4. Patients come in for a biomechanical complaint, you get right to the end, then at the last minute, "oh!, can you cut my nails and do my heels for me quickly please?" (Very fustrating).....................

 

This is so funny... gosh keep them coming! Top thread ever.

I get this statement all the time especially since I spend two days working in a retirement home!

Oh another pet hate is when lady patients where long pantyhose... I mean for goodness sakes! What would they do if I was a male podiatrist? And it also doesn't occur to them that polyester and nylon stockings harbour their tinea infections as well....

 

My gosh they just keep coming don't they. We seem to have tapped a pocket of frustration which was under considerable pressure.

YES!!! I get that a lot. "but they had a computer and everything." "I could SEE how flat my feet were". And they always beleive the people who tell them they have a big problem in order to sell them something.

Has any one else notice that if you tell someone they have a long and painful sounding condition they hang on your every word and jump on the concept like a cat on a feather but when you tell them they are basically fine and have a minor injury / problem which will cure it'self they never beleive you or suddenly become hard of thinking?

To that end
"your problem is caused by onychotillomania. I prescribing a course of manual impedimentary devices"
Translated
You pick your nails you nasty oik. Wear gloves.
"Aha you have a hyperkeratotic lesion caused by exogenic shearing and dermatological trauma"
Lit
Its your shoes you pillock

Varient is when they sit in the operator chair. I generally sit in the big chair and wait for them to figure it out.

Oh and has anyone else noticed that old folk are sometimes sharp as a tack and quite chipper when you are booking them they're next appointment but come over all confused, flustered and deaf when you tell them to change their shoes or do something they don't like?

 

How often do you hear this?

I was running a remote clinic in northern Australian when the nurse brought a husband and wife couple in. They were tourists from Sydney and were passing through on their way back.

I asked them what the problem was.

"There's no problem, dear," the wife replied, "me and Harold just want our feet done before we see our foot doctor back home."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Time for another holiday.

Peter

 

I have a Saddle Chair for my crooked back and I have had a couple of (adult) patients sit on that when I have told them to take a seat, and were genuinely surprised/disappointed/confused when I redirected them to the large patient chair on the other side of the room... normally it's the kids who find the Saddle chair to be such a novelty... I don't know how they expected me to assess their feet while also balancing on an ergonomic chair!

 

Pillock - Gold!

How about the mother issued heel raisers to assist with her Achilles pain...

Her - those heel things didn't do anything
Me - have you had them in your shoes all the time?
Child - they're pretty comfy mum (proceeds to remove them from HIS shoes)

 

How many of you have heard this one?

" I was recommended these expensive orthoses because I pronate"

 

Only EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY.

Mind you i've had more than one refferal from our local surgeon which says "this patient pronates moderatly".

What the hell does that mean?! If they did'nt pronate they would probably have serious trouble walking.

How about
"i've been looking on the internet and i found this new type of insole! Its based on a completely new idea using computers! Would you pay for me to try them?"

 

Vintage stuff....My three

1. My feet need a good over haul!!!!

On our patient information sheet, there's a question that asks "Reason for visit"
2. I've been referred for othodontics
3. For treatment of shin plints

 

How have we missed the ultimate?


" My doctor says I cannot cut my toenails because i am diabetic"

 

I recall a very highly respected podiatric surgeon from the States who was not so proud that he did not remember his origins.

When he started in practice and a patient asked him 'What about my toenails Doc? He simply replied, 'They're fine honey, but I should keep them a bit shorter if I were you'!

Bill Liggins

 

Before I moved into MSK i often thought about writing some flash cards to answer some of the mindnumbingly predictable questions and comments from pts.
eg, " what made you want to mess around with peoples feet for?"
flash card reply; " for the stimulating questions from lazy geriatrics!"

To what question, and what response would you give if for one day in your professional life, you could let rip a bit.?

 

me: i notice that lesion on your face, have you been to the GP about it?
patient : yes he sent me to the hospital and they told me it was a rat ulcer!

lol - good job i knew her coz there is no way on this earth i could keep my face straight

me: you mean rodent ulcer!!!! we both laughed together

Bex

 

Some of my pet irritations are...

'my feet need cutting'...........(can I have that in writing please?)

When asked what the foot problem is.......'I've been coming for years dear. Can't you read my notes?'

And as for the 'cut them really short dear, really really short, go on, I don't mind if you make them bleed, and give them a good digging out down the sides'............at this point, I put down my instruments, folded my arms and pushed my chair away. I then pointed out that I was more than happy to treat my patient to the very best of my ability, and to do everything in my power to make her comfortable, using every scrap of knowledge that I had gained during my three years of training..................., but I refused to do what she was demanding, and suggested that if that is what she wanted she should leave my clinic and find somewhere else to go.
For years thereafter she was as meek as a lamb, and often referred to the day when she made my eyes flash and the ground tremble!

And when told 'don't get old dear' I invariably point out that I will do my very best to die young on their recommendation!

 

added to

"oh i can take any kind of pain dear, i just get on with it, no point making a fuss"

equals

Patient "ooh. OOOOOHHHHH nooo no no no ahhhhhh I CAN FEEL THAT no stop please it's agony, its the worst pain i've ever had"

Me "but i have'nt started yet!!! This is cotton wool"


Had a solid gold one yesterday.

"where does it hurt?"

"it does'nt"

"where DID it hurt"

"its never hurt"

"so whats the problem?"

"the right foot"

"whats wrong with it"

"Well nothing yet. Its fine. But it feels like its GOING to start hurting"

at which point i made a small piteous whimpering noise and started sucking my thumb and rocking on the chair.

 

I would hire a brass band dancing girls and some circus animals etc. Set them up in the car park behind the clinic with tee shirts saying "its YOUR SHOES YOU DAPPY SOD" placards, signs, perhaps some sky writing, and a 7 foot neon version on the building opposite, wait for the inevitable "why are my feet so bad" question then draw back the curtains to reveal the tableax at which point the band would strike up etc.

 

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!

 

And, there's this...in a supermarket one day:

"You're one of those poddy at trysts, aren't you Sir?"
"Nope."
"No?"
"Yep...I'm a pod aye at wrist, and don't refer to me as Sir because I ain't bin knighted...yet."

Hee Hee

 

Here's one that I haven't seen posted yet:


First time you meet a little grey-haired old dear and they say to you:

"...Have a guess how old I am!"

I'm always generous, and say 80 when I think they're 90......but so often I'll say 80 and they'll say

"No, I'm only 75!"

I hate that question now Why-o-why do they ask it....in future I'll just say ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA !

 

After applying xyz to the skin/nails - "I hope that isnt xyz because I'm allergic to it". !!!

 

What a great thread. It seems we all get the same comments. Heres my twopence worth
1. Every time I come you've put the price up
2. Is this going to hurt to which i reply now no that costs extra
Zaffie

 

Your pts come back for an orthotic review and complain that there has been no improvement. They absolutely reassure you that they are wearing their orthotics when they are supposed too....

Meanwhile, I’m busy contemplating whether or not I might have to re-cast… :hammer:

You bump into them when your getting your coffee and guess what? Their either wearing no shoes or there in their thongs

Regards,

Dan

 

Cancel christmas & slaughter the reindeer..........

1) Last month, female patient Circa 1950s (est) Horrid (clinical description, mine not hers) O/C left Hallux.

Partial nail avulsion with phenolisation............... <bliss> happy patient, I pat pocket n away she trots.

Following week lady rebooks into clinic with small child in tow (no pun, note spelling pedants)

Child is a habitual picker! I tell child to avoid nashty injections etc to NOT pick his nails. :empathy:
''Ask granny to tell you how hers became all infected when she did pick''.
Upon which child smiles sweetly n replies.... ''Shes not my granny, Shes my mum.''

<curl up n die in me chair>

2) Fave one was when asked (as we all are REGULARLY) ''How can you play with feet all day?'' BY A MIDWIFE!!! Least ours keep their pants on.

3)Dom visit to NHS patient I have been treating for last 8 years. Pt. opens door.

''Oh I'm so glad it's you & not that fat girl from last time!''

I weigh 9 stone & am the only clinician in our dept. to have ever treated this pt!

scuse me while I throw out all the xmas choccies

 

What do you mean I have to be housebound to get a visit?

I'm over sixty I know my rights I'm entitled to free treatment!

My Doctor says it's a fungal nail infection...

Pt attends clinic reception and asks "Can I make an appointment for the boy to visit, I can't make it down here." At least I was called the boy.

Now I'm diabetic I need viagra. (Cheers I really didn't need to have that vision)

"Do you mean I need to wear the orthotics to get an improvement." Pt had put them in cupboard after supply and was complaining of no improvement in symptoms.

At assessment clinic:
What do mean I need to take my shoes off for you to assess me?

 

Nearly forget this one soz.........

At dom patients house. Nasty, yappy, flea ridden, festering canine called Sal around my ankles during visit. I politely request Sal be placed away from surgically sharp implements for her own safety (too tempting by far).

Lady says, ''Its cos she likes you, she only wants to play & never ever bites.''

At which point I turn to retrieve my case & aforementioned hell hound bites my bloody leg!!

OUCH! (me not Sal)

''Ooh.'' Says lady. ''Funny that, the hairdresser said Sal bit her once too.''

:bang: I now even request tropical fish be placed well away from treatment area.

 

& yet more...

''But why do I have to come to the clinic? Mrs Whinealot in bungalow 20 goes to the bingo 3 times a week & you go to her.''

Best was when our local GP attended an emergency home visit only to find a note on patients door. Gone to shop, back in 10 mins . Oh how he smiled on his return.

Robert, top tip for laydees what do wear their nicks over the tights........ DONT LOOK UP

In diabetic clinic: aseptic technique. Dressing removed. Masked, gloved, wimple in situ.... Pts. daughter touches wound with grubby finger & declares ''it aint gerrin no better tho is it?''

Bless em.

 

i am only a 2nd year student and have between 8 - 16hrs a week clinic yet i still have some bad things

PT 'My leg stills hurt' ME Have you been doing your exercises? PT 'No'

or

You ask a pt do you smoke or drink they so no, then lecture comes in and asks the same question, and the pt replies 10 a day, 30 units a week.

my favourite is 'so why feet, it is just corn and callus, isnt it?' grrrrrrr

 

Hi dirtdemon
even in my day a hundred years ago patients where expert at making you look a complete idiot!!
One of my favorites was a patient who did not consider drinking a bottle of wine as "alcoholic beverage" apparently this only referred to whiskey??

 

When a patient asks if this is going to hurt I politely reply its not going to hurt me and keep working like the patient never asked the question. Some pick it up