Signs of the times

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On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
English Sign in German Cafe:
"Mothers, Please Wash Your Hans Before Eating."
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
Outside a Hotel:
"Help! We need inn-experienced people."
At a Music Store:
"Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30. Offenbach sooner."
On a Music Teacher's door:
"Out Chopin."
On the door of a Music Library:
"Bach in a min-u-et."
At a farmer's field:
"The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free,
but the bull charges."
In a Podiatrist's window:
"Time wounds all heels."
On a Butcher's window:
"Let me meat your needs."
On another Butcher's window:
"Pleased to meat you."
At a Used Car Lot:
"Second Hand cars in first crash condition."
Outside a Radiator Repair Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
In a Beauty Shop:
"Dye now!"
On the door of a Computer Store:
"Out for a quick byte."
At a Dry Cleaner:
"Drop your pants here."
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.
At an Auto Body Shop:
"May we have the next dents?"
In a Non-Smoking area:
"If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire
and take appropriate action."
On Maternity Room door:
"Push, Push, Push."
On a Front door:
"Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."
On a Scientist's door:
"Gone Fission"
On a Butcher's window:
"Pleased to meat you."
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
Outside a Hotel:
"Help! We need inn-experienced people."
In a Dry Cleaner's Emporium:
"Drop your pants here."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your bill.,
however, if you don't, you will be."
On the side of a Garbage Truck:
"We've got what it takes to take what you've got."
On the door of a Computer Store:
"Out for a quick byte."
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."
Inside a Bowling Alley:
"Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
In a Cafeteria:
"Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat any place they want."
On the door of a Music Library:
"Bach in a minuet."
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully, we'll wait."
In a Counselor's office:
"Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional."