Things you never want to hear from podiatry patients

I used to see a horrible witch and her lovely husband as home visits. She would leave demanding calls that I show up at a particular time between re-runs of Emmerdale and Eastenders. Like I ever paid attention. Then received official complaints from her, blah blah blah.

One day this changed. She wanted to been seen first thing. I explained that there was a route and other patients, she would be seen as promptly as I could get through this route. Nope, not good enough. Says I "Your husband never seems to mind what time I come". Says she "Never mind that bugger, you WILL be here at nine".

Naturally I took my sweet old time getting there. Arrived to find the whole family leaving the house, Grandad already in the hearse. In a box in the hearse. So I tried to sneak back to my car but was caught. She actually wanted to put a stop to the whole show insisting I get in the house and se to her feet pronto. THe family talked her out of it thankfully. I said my "sorries" and scarpered.

 

I was treating a patient in a clinic with another podiatrist treating another patient in the same room. The other patient being a young lad with a slightly infected ingrowing toenail, is requested to keep the toe covered etc, to help infection. The mother of the young man says to the other podiatrist " Does he always have to wear shoes because of the condition?" As he has two horses and he likes to visit them in their stables and usually does not wear shoes when he is with them..........

Hmmmmmm.................

:hammer::bang:

 

Love this thread, but to tell you the truth would prefer the patient to say SOMETHING!
I have had a few patients come in with an injury or concern lately, and its like getting blood out of a stone questioning them about their concern!

It's like they were sent as exam patients and I have to try and diagnose based on one word answers.
Me: How long have you had this pain....
pt: (No eye contact): A while
Me: ok, would you say one week, or a month, or 3 months?
pt: Yeah probably.
Me: ???Yeah probably what....


Ok long day... tough patients. Home time.

 

And then of course, there is the opposite...

"Where does it hurt?"

"all over"

"the whole foot?"

"yes"

"when does it hurt?"

"All the time"

"even when you are asleep?"

"Yes"

"How long have you had it

"Oh i've always had it. LOTS of doctors have looked at it and none of them know what the problem is...."


And my big one for the day

"my mother in law is a nurse and SHE said I have flat feet!"

Regards
Robert

 

<Deep breaths. Lavender thoughts> :craig: <'taint workin'!>

My mother in law WAS a nurse.

In fact I have reason to believe she was/is the consultant for all things medical for the entire universe....

Smiling & nodding of Doncaster.

 

haha reminds me of the patient the other day referred by a chiro with persistant foot pain.
She sat in the chair with her arms crossed looking at me like, you are never going to work out my foot issue, I am just so complicated.....
As I started to describe differential diagnosis,
she explained, "yes well I work for a doctor and he said that it is likely to be....."
"oh who do you work for?"
" I am receptionist for an opthamologist"

hmmmm, well he would sure know the biomechanics of the foot!

(why cant I do smileys? )

 

In my experiance patients "weight" opinions on their foot problems based on the following scale, highest to lowest.


----------------------------------------------------
Any member of their family with any kind of medical training

What "an expert" said on This Morning or a radio phone in

What "ask Dr marge" said in Bella / other womens magazine"

What the full page infomercial in their local rag said

Google

Their GP

Their other Health professional (any discipline, including dentists, opticians, nurse, phlebotomist)

The lady in the shoe shop (they have to do lots of training you know :bang

Their neighbor who had EXACTLY the same problem

A man in the pub

The last podiatrist they saw who was SOOOO much better (and yet mysteriously failed to fix the problem)

The Gin fueled ramblings of the hobo who walks up and down the street with a "the end is nigh" sandwich board.

Tea leaves / mystic meg / their horoscope

You.

-------------------------------------------------------------


Did i miss anyone?

Regards
Robert
PS. Perhaps I should try the hobo thing, i'd get a promotion!

PPS. I had the shoe shop thing the other day based on a disagreement between the shop lady and my dx. Turned out the lady in question HAD had training. From me.

 

Hi Melb'

I give you some of mine for free


:wacko::dizzy::empathy::drinks


Xs Mand'

 

Thanks Mandy.

x

 

Umm I though I was here to see the dentist??

 

oh.....do you do reflexology:craig:

 

This actually happened a few weeks ago. I share a waiting room with a dental hygenist and walked in to the said room, loudly stating my new patients name "MRS X?" to a room full of ladies. Little ol` lady nods, gets up from her chair and follows me into my clinic. I introduce myself and say that whilst I am noting down personal details and medical history, she might want to remove her shoes and socks. She did. 10 mins later she uttered those words........:bang:

 

"Its not a corn, its a wart, my GP told me and i am waiting for a general anasesthetic to have it removed!"

 

Self same situation many years ago. In this case the patient was younger and having been left to remove shoes and tights, on my return was sitting there in her lingerie. It happens that the dentist was my uncle, so Lord knows what he was up to......

Bill Liggins

 

Nice one, Bill. I recall a similar situation many years ago when the push was to change the name of the profession from chiropody to podiatry. As usual, with the UK profession, the 'change' was parochial - hence not that many (if any at all) were aware. Working on a busy OPD, I called a patient - an attractive young lady - into my room and asked her to change behind the curtain and sit in the chair. When I completed her notes and turned she was straddling the chair - naked apart from her shoes. I suppose that was the clue, but being young nd inexperienced, the cat had the better of me. When I asked "what was the matter (sic) she replied "It's my piles" - and I realised she was there to see the proctologist - rather than the "podiatrist". Doesn't happen much these days - regrettably!

 

I had an elderly regular patient in yesterday and her husband came along with her.

He announced to me, "oh she loves when its time to come to the Farrier!"

I think she should be more offended than me. :deadhorse:

Made me laugh

 

I guess this goes in here not so much said as written.

Was doing some patient stats today. How did you find us type stuff.

I have one for sport ( which I guess everyone does) and some bloke had written SEX. Missed it the 1st time .When will it be included in the Olympics you think and will it be a winter/summer sport or the 1st to be in both?

 

Would it feature in the Olympics as a singles event?

 

And how will they score it?

 

As in golf , Stroke and Distance perhaps ????

Cheers

Derek

 

1. "Do you give a discount to pensioners?"
2. "That corn you did 3/4/5/6 months ago was never comfortable afterwards."
3. "I'd have been here sooner but................. ."

 

1. When asking a patient about allergies - hearing that her husband had to dismantle the toilet to clean it - NICE!!
2. " So I suppose you want me to take my shoes off then". Yes well, that would help
3. (Not from patients but members of the public). " So you must enjoy working with children / people's diets" No I am not a paediatrician nor a dietician!

 

Some years ago in rural Yorkshire, I attended a bedbound patient complaining of a sore hallux. On investigation, found it to be infected - dealt with the ingrown nail, released the pus, applied appropriate medication and dressing and arranged to call back after 3 days to check progress. On arrival, patient and wife informed me that the District Nurse had called the previous day and looked at the toe. Patient: " The nurse said it wasn't infected and how much are you going to charge me this time?" !

 

From Patient:

"So I suppose you need me to take my shoes off?"

To which I sometimes reply:
"Well no ... but you probably won't like the result"

If you ask a silly question ....

 

This thread is the BEST!!

1. Could you make me another one of those pink things for my toe, as I've lost the last one.:bang:
2. That fleecy stuff you gave me was so good that I gave it all to my friend, can I have some more!!!!
3. Oh is it my foot appointment today, I haven't washed my feet. Is that ok? Errrr No!!!!!

Solesister66

 

1. "So what made you want to cut nails for a living ? " =S its not all we do!!
2. "Just the nails "- Do you not think i should do an assesment first!!
3. " Everytime i go to sleep my leg jerks, my sister says i must have Diabetes" takes ages to explain its probably just a myoclonic jerk
4. "Your really good, the man i had last time , he was awful"- quick check of the notes and oh suprise, it was me =(

 

On attempting to take a full patient history - Patient: "Why do you want to know all this - I only need my nails cutting!"

 

Oh yes, I can relate to that one!:wacko:

 

We've all been there!

 

1. Guess what age I am ? (grrrhhh about 112??)
2. I bet youve never seen feet as bad as these? (only about 15 times a day)
3. Have you got a foot fetish?? (Oh yeah, your bunions corns, verruca and neuro ischaemic ulcer really turn me on)

 

Non-compliant patient: "Can't I come more often? My feet are killin' me"
Me: "Sorry, NHS, cut backs, not enough funds (etc). Perhaps we can go over the advice from last time..." and the time before, and then time before that...
N-C P, not listening: "I mean I nearly had to wear my orthopaedic shoes my feet are that blimmin sore"
???

Or my favourite vicious Nun:" Those insoles crippled me. I prayed for mercy"
Me:"Um, did you notice I drew the large L on the left one and R on the right one ? Then you have to put them in your shoes likethis"

 

I love this thread. Every now and then it bobs back to the surface and gets a fresh coat of frustrations!

To theredmenace

You're not alone here, a few people have said this. Somebody (sam?) offered a rather neat comeback which is worth re stating.

Patient :-"Have you got a foot fetish?? "
You, gazing dreamily at their toes :-" mmmmm yes, and yours are truly sublime..."

Try it. If you're seeing them for a sports injury you'll be able to claim a great outcome when they sprint out of your office and down the road!

 

These things I particularly did not like:

1.' So for how long you have been doing paediatrics?'
2. 'I do not like people touching my feet but I quite enjoy you touching them.'
3. 'Can you give me now some nail varnish?'


Mario N.

 

:empathy:i know what you mean........i had a patient earlier who was complaining about pain in her back and her gp has referred her for ulcersound and thinks it may be due to the fivermyalgia. hard to keep a straight face sometimes:good::good:

 

Awesome!!!!

On patients who weigh about 27 stone and have a waist circumference that is greater than their height, I hate the words, "I just can't get shoes to fit, it's this water retention"

It's all I can do not to ask them if they think that the problem may be more related to LARD retention.

Robin

 

"Do you know Arthur Itis"

Robin

 

Great thread.
Yeah, I now tell people I am a bin seller or a bee keeper. Have had many feet in my face at social occasions.

 

Not so much something that is said but is done..

Pt enters the clinic and takes off their shoes and socks. Upon removal of the socks, a cloud of dead cells balloons into the air like a sandstorm. The patient proceeds to dust the remaining dead cells, carpet fluff, dog hairs, even the occasional toe nail on to the floor right in front of you, then says, "I've washed my feet especially for you"

Some stock replies

1. Thank you kind sir
2. When, last week?
3. It's OK, I have a maid who comes in to sweep up after every patient
4. Well...you wouldn't go to the proctologist without wiping your bum.
Robin

 

Am I alone in having patients - about 1 in every 10 - who climb into the treatment chair over the footrests ? Goes right through the age spectrum, non-gender specific. I wonder if my insurance cover would be valid if...........

 

Universal I'm afraid. Also seems that the more difficult the chair the more people have to climb on the wrong way.

I used to have a dental chair with leg curve; all my old grannies trying to heave themselves over the hump, time after time after time. Endless instruction falling on deaf ears (both lit. and fig!)

But on Fridays I had group homes sending in a dozen adults with Down's syndrome, ataxias, developmental conditions etc. These guys would hop on the chair simply, easily, correctly, quickly, shoes and socks off in 2-3 seconds flat. Excellent patients.