Innocence Lost

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Had a fellow Scot from Glasgow in yesterday with a severe ingrown toenail that needed excision under LA. He was accompanied by his four year old daughter with a couple of books to keep her occupied. As he was a little apprehensive about the injection he told the wee lass to sit outside in the waiting room whilst the deed was done, which is just as well given the colourful language that followed. Glaswegians tend to pepper their lauguage liberally with swear words - it's not intended to be offensive - it just gives them time to think of the next word they want to use - and fcuk is probably their favourite.

Waiting for the local to take he tells me about his daughter. "Bright as fcuk" he boasted. In case you're wondering - in this use the "fcuk" has a universal meaning in the 'mither tongue'. It doesn't signify any point on a linear scale of brightness. You could equally say "dumb as fcuk" as you could "hot as" or "cold as" or "gorgeous as" or "ugly as". It's elevated status in Glasgow parlance bestows the honour of meaning anything you want it to mean. Anyway, I popped my head round the waiting room door and she was sitting engrossed in a picture book. There was an elephant on the left hand page and I pointed at it and asked her what it was.

"It's a frickin elephant" she said.
"Pardon me?"
"It's a frickin elephant" she repeated. Out of earshot of dad I said "You shouldn't say that, it's not a nice word"
"That's wot it says" she said
And so it did, right underneath the picture.

A F R I C A N . E L E P H A N T

:empathy:

 

Aw bless.

I am holiday at the moment in Centerparcs, Nottingham. The rest of my family are also here for our ritual annual visit for a week of watching people in tight lycra partaking in a plethora of activities. We of course only engage in far less active pursuits (drinking, playing triv', cards, smoking etc).

My cousin Niall (age 5)went to visit Santa earlier today. On his return I asked what Santa said. (Must be read in Scouse accent), ''E asked me name & an' if you wanna see what 'e gave me, me Dad's playing with it.'' :santa2:

I asked his Dad about Niall's visit & Mark (Dad) said Santa had asked Niall if he had made a list & Niall said he had. Santa then asked what was at the top. Niall replied ''Me name.''

:santa:


,

 

Love it Mark!!!

Nick

 

frickin' funny