The internet is not essential to our jobs.

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10:30am Information super-donkey stops working. Rolling of eyes and general grumbling ensues amongst co-workers.

10:40am Realisation that this might be a Serious Problem sets in. Angry phone calls are made to network provider by office manager, because being rude and stroppy always encourages people to try extra hard to help solve your problem quickly.*

11:03am All work that can possibly be achieved without access to the intarwebs is now complete, but Managing Director declares that lack of internet access is not a good enough excuse to knock off for the day.

11:26am Co-workers begin aimlessly wandering the office corridors, like ghosts trapped between worlds.

11:47am "I've got the internet" shouts an excited co-worker "oh, no, it's just a hallucination. F***, I think I'm losing it..."

12:15pm "You should just be able to phone the internet or something when this kind of thing happens" speculates Summer Glau. I consider dialling 118 118 to ask if they could post something to my blog.

1:00pm Nobody cares that it's lunch time, they've already eaten everything they could find in the office out of boredom.

1:15pm Co-workers construct an effigy of the internet out of stuff they find in the stationary cupboard, and begin dancing around it in their underwear.

1:20pm Network engineer arrives to investigate problem. The Effigy is declared to be our new god.

2:00pm Network engineer announces that he cannot fix the problem, and we need to get BT to look at our line. He is promptly sacrificed to the Effigy. Co-workers examine his entrails to foretell when the downtime will end.

2:13pm Co-workers begin arguing over what to do. One faction believes the engineer was a holy prophet and we have angered the Effigy by murdering its messenger, while others believe the Effigy demands more blood before the curse can be lifted.

2:14pm Interdepartmental guerrilla warfare breaks out.

2:34pm Faction 2 is victorious. Surviving members of Faction 1 are taken prisoner and sacrificed to the Effigy - they are disembowelled with the plastic forks left over from when we had a cake for Karen's birthday the other week.

2:55pm We go to Starbucks to get cake.

3:15pm A new Dark Age begins, co-workers construct a rudimentary settlement around the Effigy.

4:00pm Co-workers gather around a campfire made from our useless computers and listen to tales of a time before time, when words and pictures would fly through the air and appear on a magical window before your very eyes, like dreams.

4:47pm Legend tells of the mythical "Book of Faces" which can destroy time itself - a crusade into the holy land (accounts on the second floor) begins in order to seek out the book.

5:30pm Hometime - yay!