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A short story for Friday afternoon...

Discussion in 'Break Room' started by footman1972, Mar 3, 2006.

  1. footman1972

    footman1972 Active Member

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    Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road in the Highlands. Suddenly, a brand new bright Red Porsche 911 appears and screeches to a halt beside him.

    The driver, a woman wearing a Chanel suit, Ray Bans and a Cartier watch, steps out and asks the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have can I keep one?". The shepherd looks at the large flock and says 'Okay'.

    The woman connects a laptop to a mobile phone fax, enters the NASA website, scans the field using GPS, opens a database linked to 60 Excel files with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on a high tech mini printer. She studies the report and says to the shepherd "You have exactly 1,586 sheep". The shepherd replies "That's correct. You can have the pick of my flock". The woman packs away her equipment, looks at the flock and puts one in the boot of her Porsche.

    As she is about to leave the shepherd says "If I can guess your profession will you return the animal to me?". The woman thinks for a moment, then agrees. The shepherd says "You are an NHS manager". "Correct" responds the woman, "but how did you know?"

    The shepherd replies

    "Simple, first you came without being invited.

    Second, you wasted a lot of time telling me something I already knew.

    Third, you don't understand anything about the work I do, but interfere anyway - Now can I have my dog back?"!!!

    Have a good one....... :D :D :D :D :D :D

    Martin Nunn
    Podiatry Service Manager
    Hotter Comfort Concept
  2. DAVOhorn

    DAVOhorn Well-Known Member

    re dumb NHS Manager

    Dear Martin,

    There was another achievement by the said manager.

    They got a dog in the boot of a Porsche.

    I bet it wasnt a Porsche.

    I bet it was a crap car with a porsche badge on it , which the manager had purchased from a cheaper supplier who gave a kick back when purchasing NHS supplies.

    Manager concluded that as the car had a similar spec to a Porsche it must be a Porsche. :confused: :eek:

    regards David
  3. One Foot In The Grave

    One Foot In The Grave Active Member


    Speaking of Porsches...

    A blond knocked on the door of a house.

    When the man of the house came to the door, she asked him if he had any odd jobs.

    He thought for a second and then said "Well, the porch needs painting...how much would you charge?"

    "$50" was her reply.

    "Great" said the man. "You'll find everything you need in the garage."

    So the blond disappears down the driveway and into the garage.

    The man's wife came to the door, and when she found out the blonde was only charging $50 for the job, she said "She does realise the porch goes all the way around the house doesn't she?"

    A short time later, the door bell rings again.

    "All done." stated the blonde, "and it wasn't a 'porch', it was a Lexus."
  4. rwr104

    rwr104 Welcome New Poster

    I was recently told I'd make a good NHS manager. At the time, I thought it was a compliment...
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2006
  5. DAVOhorn

    DAVOhorn Well-Known Member

    re compliment or not

    Dear rwr 104,

    I would say that it depends on who made the compliment.

    If it was an NHS manager then it means that you have no respect for your colleagues. They have no respect for you. You are a lying two faced bastard prepared to whore yourself for a better car parking place.

    If it was a colleague then it was probably in jest as you had made a stupid simple mistake.

    regards David
  6. rwr104

    rwr104 Welcome New Poster

    David, I am NOT a bastard... ! ;o)
  7. twirly

    twirly Well-Known Member

    Re: re compliment or not

    Responding to an old thread I know, but had to say haven't laughed as much in bloody ages. lol :D Was a belter David.

    Having just left the NHs for the none too certain life of self employment must mention you describe my old female boss to a 'T'.


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