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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Discussion in 'Break Room' started by admin, Jul 12, 2006.

  1. admin

    admin Administrator Staff Member

    Members do not see these Ads. Sign Up.
    WARNING: Only those with 'thick' skin should read this thread ... as you may come up.


    Podiatry Arena has its fair share of 'personalities' ... its now time to take the mickey out of some of them.​

    So lets ask others what they think different posters would say in answer to the question:​

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Please keep it funny and not offensive.​

    I will see if I can organise a sponsor for a prize for the funniest.​
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2006
  2. admin

    admin Administrator Staff Member

    I will start:

    Karl Landorf: "Because after a randomised controlled trail, it was statistically significant that it should cross the road"

    Kevin Kirby: "Because its subtalar joint axis was medially deviated"

    Simon Spooner "Because the Simon Spooner school of etiquette was on the other side of the road"

    What say you?
  3. admin

    admin Administrator Staff Member

    Stephen Tucker: "Its not allowed to cross the road until legislative changes are made"
  4. Cameron Kippen: Because its feathers are just the best for tickles!
    Dave Holland: Because chickens are well adapted for hard, flat surfaces.
    Ed Glaser: Because hey! Sole Supports work for chickens to (or should that be too?)
    Professor Brian Rothbart: Because Proprioceptive Insoles have been proven to ease egg laying in Italian chicks - see video evidence at: www.rothbartsfoot.com/chicken.egg
    Simon Spooner: Coz Uncle Kevin said it should. And if you fu@k!n£ argue I'll kick your sh!tty head in.
    Kevin Kirby: Because research has proved (verified in peer reviwed journals) that once across the road, the chicken the chicken will find itself in the Zone of Optimal Stress (unless it's been run over by a car in the process). References:
    1. Baitch SP, Blake RL, Fineagan PL, Senatore J: Biomechanical analysis of chicken legs with 25 degree inverted orthotic devices. JAPMA, 81:647-652, 1991.
    2. Bates BT, Osternig LR, Mason B, James LS: Foot orthotic devices to modify selected aspects of lower extremity chicken mechanics. Am J Sp Med, 7:328-31, 1979.
    3. Blake RL, Denton JA: Functional foot orthoses for chicken injuries: A retrospective study. JAPMA, 75:359-362, 1985.
    4. Blake RL: Inverted functional peckers. JAPMA, 76:275-276, 1986.
    5. Blake RL, Ferguson H: Foot orthoses for the severe flatclaws in chickens. JAPMA, 81:549, 1991.
    6. Blake RL, Ferguson H: The inverted pecker technique: Its role in chicken rearing., pp. 465-497, in Valmassy, R.L.(ed.), Clinical Biomechanics of chickens, Mosby-Year Book, St. Louis, 1996.
    7. Butler RJ, McClay-Davis IS, Laughton CM, Hughes M. Dual-function peckers: Effect on hens and control of over-anxious cocks. Chicken Intl, 24:410-414, 2003.
    8. Chalmers AC, Busby C, Goyert J, Porter B, Schulzer M: Beak strain and avian rheumatoid arthritis-a randomized, single blind, sequential trial . J Chicken Rheum, 27:1643-1647, 2000.
    9. Cheung JT, Zhang M: A 3-dimensional finite element model of the chicken foot and ankle for insole design. Arch Phys Med Rehabil, 86:353-358, 2005.
    10. Dananberg HJ, Guiliano M: Chronic beak pain and its response to custom-made grain feeders. 89:109-117, 1999.
    11. D’Ambrosia RD: Custom devices in chicken running injuries. Clin. Hen Sports Med., 4:611-618, 1985.
    12. Donnatelli R, Hurlbert C, et al: Biomechanical claw orthotics: A retrospective study. J Ortho Sp Phys Ther, 10:205-212, 1988.
    13. Dorland’s Illustrated Veterinary Dictionary, 25th ed., W.B. Saunders, Philadelphia, 1974.
    14. Duffin AC, Kidd R, Chan A, Donaghue KC: High plantar pressure and callus in farmyard animals . Incidence and treatment. JAPMA, 93:214-220, 2003.
    15. Dugan RC, D’Ambrosia RD: The effect of orthotics on the treatment of selected running injuries in hens. Foot Ankle, 6:313, 1986.
  5. DaVinci

    DaVinci Well-Known Member

    Craig Payne - because its theoretically coherent and biologically plausible that it should cross the road
    Biomech - you guys are useless and have not given me the answer I wanted, so it won't cross the road
  6. admin

    admin Administrator Staff Member

    For those that missed it (...I did on first read), go back and have a close look at the reference list posted by Mark.
  7. markjohconley

    markjohconley Well-Known Member

    why not?, it's a BEAUTIFULl day
  8. Mark,

    My opinion of you has been elevated significantly by your analysis above. Haven't laughed that hard at a posting on Pod Arena...........ever!!
  9. Engineering Factors Affecting Chicken Cross-Road Performance

    David Smith: In order to analyze the optimum movement path vector that a chicken makes when ambulating cross-road, the following diagram will illustrate how movement path vector of the chicken is affected by the road-path vector of chicken and the weight of the chicken.

    Attached Files:

  10. markjohconley

    markjohconley Well-Known Member

    I can personally vouch for this cockerel; if he has the intuitive drive to traverse that great divide I assure you it would be difficult to doubt his ability….so refreshing to see the youth out there making decisions for themselves…… I have known this young go-getter since noah took his first pee……….Here I go again, oh how I love it………you’ve got to admire him, when I was of his age I was busy “undertaking extensive personal participant observation research into the mechanisms of procreation while simultaneously investigating the effects of ethanol on the higher cortical functions,
    ...............................................(red-heads, love’em)
  11. Cameron

    Cameron Well-Known Member

    Cameron Kippen: Because he could, demonstrating beautifully that in the beginning was the foot, (well claw) and not a blinking, gobbledegook foot orthoses in situ. And of course because it has got the best feathers for tickling, goes without saying.

    Admin2: The chicken would not have had to cross the road had he stuck to the previous theme on this topic. Chicken crossing
  12. Sexual Habits of Chickens

    Cameron Kippen: In the pre-Elizabethan era, chickens were routinely known to use their feathers and claws as important part of their courtship dance. Even this was thought to be taboo behavior by the more prudish society of the time, the sexually stimulating feather swinging was routinely carried out behind closed chicken-house doors. In addition, to avoid harm to their roosters, the chickens would rub their claws on any rough surface, such as cobblestones, until their claws became silky smooth to give their mates more sexual pleasure. This mating ritual still exists, which explains why chickens still smooth their claws by repeated walking back and forth across road surfaces, to this day.
  13. Because if you look at the modern chicken leg it is not significantly different from the remains of "Kentucky Fried Boy". Have you looked at them? I have?- DavidH
  14. markjohconley

    markjohconley Well-Known Member

    Oooooohh wwaaaaa......................ADMIN, SIMON'S BEIN' NAUGHTY AGAIN
  15. domhogan

    domhogan Member

    To see his flat mate!!
  16. davidh

    davidh Podiatry Arena Veteran

    To reach the soft and undulating ground on the other side of course.
    Although that road he has to cross looks awfully flat and hard to me!

    Where has it been shown that the chicken wants to cross the road in the first place?
    And has this data ever been published in any peer-reviewed Journals?
    Is that chicken even qualified to cross the road?
    (Simon Spooner).
  17. Not sure how to take that. Does that mean I'm somewhere between Steady Eddie and the Prof? Damn.
  18. Just completed some research on road crossing in chickens using F-scan:

    Evaluation of ground reaction forces produced by chickens walking across a road.

    Payne, C., Student A., Student B.

    OBJECTIVE: To evaluate the use of a force plate as a method for objective gait analysis in adult poultry, to characterize ground reaction forces (GRFs) produced in adult chickens during normal walking across the road, and to assess the variability of GRFs. ANIMALS: 18 clinically normal 5-month-old Brown Leghorn hens. PROCEDURE: Vertical, craniocaudal, and mediolateral GRFs were measured as hens walked across a standard force plate embedded in the middle of a runway. RESULTS: All GRFs were significantly affected by speed, and variability was high. With increasing speed, overall stance time decreased, but the percentage of stance time spent in braking or propulsion remained approximately equal. There was an overall increase in maximum propulsion force, which was produced at a greater rate over a shorter time; thus, propulsion integral decreased. Maximum braking forces and braking integrals were variable, but the rate at which the forces were generated increased. Mediolateral forces were 2 to 3 times greater in hens than values that have been reported for other species. CONCLUSIONS AND CLINICAL RELEVANCE: A standard force plate can be used to objectively measure GRFs in walking adult hens; however, the large variation in the data suggests that the technique in its current form would be of limited clinical use. Overall, vertical and craniocaudal forces had similar characteristics to those of other species, whereas mediolateral forces were found to be much greater in chickens than for other species.
  19. Didn't know you had the sense of humor thing mastered yet, Mark. :D
  20. Chicken Burns Toilet Seat on Road

    Simon Spooner: I watched the chicken cross the road and quite frankly I've had better laughs watching children burn. Wouldn't trust this chicken to sit the right way round on a toilet seat. By the way, who stole my nicotine patches?!

    Craig Payne: Students need to check for their own references on chicken crossing since I'm too busy keeping this ******* website from exploding!

    David Holland: It's obvious that the deformed shape of the claws seen in today's chicken is due to our chicken ancestors not having adapted to the hard, flat surfaces that it must continually cross today.
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2006
  21. javier

    javier Senior Member

    Seasoned clinician: The chicken glimpsed a light on the horizon and it is going to cross the road for checking if the truth is out there without realizing that a 3 tons truck from the Randomised Control Trial company will smash it within a few seconds.
  22. Don Bursch

    Don Bursch Member

    Because . . .

    Simon Spooner: In order to receive the proper bitch-slapping it deserves and for world-class toilet training

    Kevin Kirby: it is mesmerized, blindly following the shadows of its STJ axes
  23. Simon Spooner: To avoid me. (Have I been grumpy since giving up smoking or what?)
  24. Deiter Fellner: Because I had sent it there to take a long hard think about it's proclivity for the crude and vernacular and immature behaviour, implied or otherwise. I respect courtesy and professionalism, the chickens dubious sense of 'wit' notwithstanding. You need to learn good manners and be patronized hence I shall call you "Young Rooster."
  25. EdGlaser

    EdGlaser Active Member

    Chicken's Dilema

    Ok, I'll bite.

    Ed Glaser: Because we lowered the head of the first, its on the DVD.

    Kevin: You know nothing of chickens crossing the road, you have not read the numerous studies and my newsletters on how the position of the STJ axis is effecting the etiology of chicken trans-location across highways.

    Simon S.: That %#$!@ing chicken is just promoting his product and not answering my questions on the symantics and linguistics of physics. So why did the egg cross the road....because it was so inclined? In what plane?

    Just in Fun,
    Ed :)
  26. mahtay2000

    mahtay2000 Banya Bagus Makan Man

    Bob Kidd: There's a paper in that.
  27. pscotne

    pscotne Active Member

    Because it was there - of course! What's the point in having a road if ya can't cross it?
  28. DaveK

    DaveK Member

    Classic! ;)
  29. the chicken

    In the NHS a taskforce of senior managers and clinicians has been looking into ways to maximize the effectiveness of chickens crossing the road to modernise the process and ensure our chicken move in the most economic and effective ways possible. Our trust has recently employeed a poultry highways facilitation director to look into the problem on a local level. The proposal is to build a traffic island in the middle of the road so that the chicken can cross in half the time and therefore at half the cost. Some clinicians pointed out that this was a false economy because the chicken will, in fact, never get across the road but they clearly have no understanding of the wider issues. A working party has also been set up to advise the chicken on exactly how to cross the road and we anticipate this will safeguard the road crossing process in an uncertain financial climate for years to come.

  30. Ridwaan

    Ridwaan Welcome New Poster


    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 24, 2006
  31. Ridwaan

    Ridwaan Welcome New Poster

    "To play chicken with the cars"
  32. podolemoine

    podolemoine Member

    and why he cannot cross?
  33. John Spina

    John Spina Active Member

    Well,once he got a glimpse of Medicare rules regarding "routine foot care",he did what any normal bird would do.He went to where it was safer and less confusing.To col.Sanders' place.
  34. marina

    marina Welcome New Poster

    Marina: "Because if it would have crossed the road, you had asked: "why had the chicken crossed the road?""
  35. ..and in the wider world


    KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
    PLATO: For the greater good.
    ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
    KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
    TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
    SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
    RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
    CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
    HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
    ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to tachieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across thecontinuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
    LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
    MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free of cross roads without having their motives called into question.
    MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
    FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
    RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
    MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
    JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
    FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
    BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbooks. Of course, you also have to purchase Microsoft Road.
    OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
    DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
    EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
    BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
    RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road .. it transcended it.
    ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
    MICHAEL SCHUMACHER: It was an instictive maneuver, the chicken obviously didn't see the road until he had already started to cross.
    HOMER SIMPSON: Mmmmmm.....chicken....
  36. Johnpod

    Johnpod Active Member

    - because the chicken was eggcentric!
  37. Freeman

    Freeman Active Member

    The chicken crossed the road in pursuit of its Center of Gravity
  38. cornmerchant

    cornmerchant Well-Known Member

    Robert Isaacs- now did that chicken cross empirically or is it evidence based? answers on a post card please.
  39. Freeman

    Freeman Active Member

    duh? you are dealing with a chicken. You know much about chickens?
  40. Admin2

    Admin2 Administrator Staff Member

    cornmerchant ... the chicked prefered the FHP across the road :santa:

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