Top three things you never want to hear from a patient again!
Mine are
1. "I've been doing some research on the internet"
2. "My consultant told me i had to wear heels for my circulation"
3. "i bought these corn removal pads..."
1. The doctor said you are going to give me insoles
2. I didn't like the last podiatrist, he cut me on one occasion
3. There is a degree in cutting toenails!
:mad:
1.
I know it says George on the referral, but you can call me Mandy...
2.
I work part-time as a lay-partner for the HPC
3.
Rufus, come out that nice man's case
Things you love hearing patients say
1. I'm a traffic warden
2. Do you think these insoles will help my infertility?
3. I just love my six-inch Manolos (unless she calls herself 'Mandy')
1. Tell me about possible complications, something ALWAYS goes wrong when I have a surgery.
2. The guy I work with said it's probably a heel spur and one shot will get rid of it for good.
3. Yes, I take insulin, coumadin, lithium and predisone. When can I have my surgery?
1. Oh I had "insoles" from the physiotherapist/chiropractor/osteopath - they don't work.
2. My (previously insensate) foot is suddenly painful - that must be a good sign, getting some feeling back.
and not from a patient, but at a party:
3. So, do you like working with children.
1. I'm having a temporary cash-flow problem...
2. My friend goes to a reflexologist, do you do that too?
3. The feet are great but my Bowel obstruction is murder...
4. Will that hurt? (Before I administer an L.A), No I reply, I won't feel a thing!
5. A Funeral Director once asked me "...so what made you want to specialise in feet?"
6. Do you guys (Podiatrists') make Shoes as well?
This thread is tops! I haven't laughed out loud in ages!
One thing I may add to the list is when patients say -
'Oh, I can't afford orthotics.' Then later in the treatment you discover them saying, 'oh I'm going on a round the world trip to visit 50 different countries to see and eat everything'.
sigh....
I also dislike it when patients say 'oh so what sort of young person like you decided to do feet for a living?' - pointing to me cutting their toenails grrrrr!!!! I always say 'oh it's more than just that, we look at sensation, circulation, alignment - list goes on and on...' What do others say to steer them away from this myth!?
Just tell them this (I borrowed this from Podiatric Surgeon colleague.....thanks Mario!)
Podiatry, Medicine and Dentistry are the only 3 professions that can actually operate on the Human Body.......
or.......
Frankly, I'm happy to cut your nails right now after all the Surgical / High-risk/ Diabetic / Rheumatology / Orthoses / Paediatric.....Cases I've seen today, it makes a nice change !
or......
Well it was this or Proctology ! (Then tell them what a Proctologist does...)
or.........
I'd love to answer you but I have to rush to get my Mercedes serviced !
or......
I'd love to answer but my Lear Jet is fueled and standing-by !
or.......
I would have become a Dentist, but couldn't take the pay-cut !
Seriously, it says more about them than it does about you. We've been battling this for years and there is no one perfect answer.
Hope this helps, and let me know which one you'll use (if any!)
Glad you are enjoying the thread. It's certainly brightened my day!
I also like when you go into the waiting room and 5 people start doing
impersonations of meercats or seals at feeding time. One day i'm going to throw somebody a herring and see if they catch it in their mouth!
Also
You examine a foot. you find an NV corn. You use your history taking skills to find out about it. You differentiate it from an HD or a VP using you're years of diagnostic ability and your knowledge of dermatology. You casually observe it's location and come up with a type of padding which will most effectivly offload it based on your knowledge of biomechanics. You then use your aseptic technique to keep it clean and your 10 years of practice at debridement to debride with exquisite care with fractional milimetric detail around individual nerve fibres.
And the patient says....
Come on, sing along, you know the words....
"I'D HAVE DONE IT MYSELF ONLY I CAN'T GET DOWN THERE!"
1. I left my wallet in my other pants...!
2. Mind if I leave my kids with your Secretary while I go to the shops...?
3. Sorry I just stepped on a Dog Turd...... !
4. Do you do animals as well.....?
True story:
We had a lady bring in her elderly Husband (who suffers from Dementia) for Primary Care treatment. Anyway, she disappears to "...run a small errand..." for approximately 2.5 hours. Finally, after my Secretary is driven nuts entertaining the Husband, the Woman returns and offers her apologies. She pays his account and It suddenly dawns on me. After her Private Medical insurance refund the visit only costs her about $20 (Australian Dollars), WAY WAY cheaper than paying for a Carer / Nurse to mind the Husband for 2.5 hours (Around $30-50 per hour = $75-$125) !
:mad:
Also how many people stopped telling people their occupation in pubs, parties etc. Ive had many a foot plonked on a bar in front of me.
I once did a Biomechanical exam in a pub in Stoke. My mate whom I was examining, refused however to loosen his belt for me to examine his PSIS for leg length inequality!
I ended up with an audience who gave a round of appluase when i finished.
"i keep the athletes foot away by soaking my feet in urine every morning"
And when in a patients home when a Dog which is practically a horse, with glowing red eyes, teeth the length of your fingers and froth dripping from a mouth which could accomodate a football advances on you with the sort of snarl which starts in it's throat and ends up in someone elses, claws leaving deep scrapes in the flagstone floor...
"oh don't worry about Fang, he's a just a big softy. Just give him a poke if he's a nuisance!"
Luckily (for us) the poor old guy was sent off to a secure facility not long after ! Sort of reminds me of the inimitable Basil Fawlty when told he looked happy...."Yes, one of the guests just died...!" :D
1. Where do you buy your scalpels from?
2. NHS dom patient calls your clinic to say "sorry i missed you the other day, i went to the hairdressers"!!! :mad:
"sorry i'm 15 mins late, at least it gave you the chance to have a cup of tea"
my normal retort to this is "that's ok they'll be done badly", but from now on i'm going to try your approach and see how long it takes the patient to work out that i'm a southpaw anyway :cool:
used to annoy me intensely back in the day but now life has took a hold and i'm no longer the fresh faced young cheekychops i once was i kinda miss it...
- I've got sugar diabetes
- I think my foot pain is just rheumatism
- What did you study at university?
- I used to go privately but I dont anymore because he increased his prices to £15
- I've got blood pressure (Too which I usually think 'shame')
- Patients who, after complaining that they can't cut their own nails, lift the foot up to their face and rub it expertly to check for a 'qaulity' finish.
- I've had 12 pairs of orthotics from other people and got my money back from all of them.
And the (true) best excuse from a patient wanting a refund for a pair of OTC orthoses that they insisted they needed ' I was menapausal on that day so couldn't make a proper decsion.'