Things you never want to hear from podiatry patients

Try
"i've no idea, you'll have to let me know."

 

netizens

There is a competition in the Herald <http://www.theherald.co.uk/features/diary/display.var.1920684.0.BFestive_efficienciesB.php> for the best Christmas/New Year anecdote. In the running is this tale.


Douglas McNab (sic podiatrist) recalls replacing a real character called Lachie Macall as Mull's visiting chiropodist. Lachie was once asked to visit a woman who stayed in a remote cottage on Burg who had neither electricity nor phone but who could be contacted by calling her sister in Salen. Unfortunately, her sister was severely deaf, but Lachie phoned her and told her to relay the message to Chrissie that the chiropodist would be calling at her cottage just before Christmas. He was given a lift in a Land Rover down the six-mile track to the cottage and was surprised to see a selection of four-wheel drive vehicles outside the cottage. As he entered carrying his large podiatry case he was further bemused to find the living room filled with elderly women. All became clear when the owner of the cottage announced that, after her sister had relayed the message, she had invited all her friends to come round as none of them had seen a ventriloquist before.

toeslayer

 

One I often get is "The Dr says I've got a heel spur" :bang: and "I've been Diagnosedwith pronation" What does that even mean??!!:craig:

 

In answer to the question "Will it hurt?" I tell them no, that I charge extra for pain. This may or may not raise a laugh.

Others include:-
"I have a cardiac heart"
"I suffer with a gastric stomach".
"My toe-nails are hard because of the acid in them."
"I am a maniac depressive"
"Can you get the root out?" Aaargh!
"I've had this buzzooka for 3 years and I put some stuff on it from the chemists and then my friend said use duct tape, and the doctor has frozen it out and I saw that man down the road and he cut it out but it is still there, so can you get rid it it because I am going to a wedding next week?" Aaaargh+++ !
"Have you done this job long." ( I tell them over 30 years but not sure I have the hang of it yet.)
" The other sheeropodist put a little pad on it"

Aaaaaarghhhhh........!! :craig:

 

Here's topical.

"I should'nt really be here, i've just had that winter vomiting virus, i was up all night but i'm better now."

"GET OUT YOU PLAGUE RIDDEN VIRUS RIDDEN PERTI DISH ON LEGS!!!!!!!!!!"!!

 

How about:
"I've got regina"
"I've got blood pressure"
"I'm going to be sick"
"do you need training for your job?"
gawd don't you just love jo public:drinks

 

Is there anyone in the SE of England who can help enlighten this person??
regards
Dido

 

Great laugh.


True story.

A patient who has dementia comes with his wife. She stayed outside while i took him into the treatment room.

Routine podiatry care - nothing out of the ordinary - when finished i said ' OK you can put your shoes and socks back on'

That is exactly what he did - first his shoes and then his socks.

Sometimes it pays to watch what you say!!

Kiw AD :deadhorse:

 

Hi Guys, and greetings from hong kong (I'm on holiday!!!)!

1: So, do you have a foot fetish then? :craig: (to which I would like to, but haven't had the courage to answer "oooh yes, and yours are truly sensual" and I hold their feet and look dreamily into their eyes...)

2: From an 80 year old female patient: "you're a handsome young man... I wouldn't kick you out of bed!!" which she later followed with "send my regards to your girlfriend, and give her a kiss for me". I haven't kissed my girlfriend since..

3 - from a physiotherapist (!!??) in a childrens centre I went to a couple of weeks back: "I didn't realise you could do degrees in podiatry... do you always work with an orthotist?" :bang:

And here is something that Rob Isaacs maybe wouldn't wanna hear from me: "Sorry that you are still baking your noodle over the 3D model of the hip... You will be please to know that I am thoroughly enjoying getting up after 11am, going for dim sum, getting a suit tailored, drinking lots of beer and generally relaxing on my 2 1/2 week holiday in hong kong and china!" Say hi to the guys in the department!!

Sam

 

Laugh it up chuckles:butcher:

But consider this. It may not be the path of wisdom to irritate the hell out of the one who decides which patients go to which clinician... immediatly after telling him which type of patients you don't like to see.

Think on that!

Robert

 

Something I've always wanted to say to these types of clients, but refrained:
"you say these things like I care"

 

Must be our vintage Dom. Sooooo true

 

On NHS home visit shortly after qualifying 1998:

Me: Knock on door..........:bang:............. Pts. wife opens door & smiles.

Wifey: Oh! ''you're here for (confidential or I'll have to kill ya)s' feet.''

Me: BIG CHEESY GRIN ) ''Yes''

Wifey: '' I've just put him on the commode, but it's ok he won't mind you doing them at the same time!''

Me: ''No, but thanks all the same. I'll call back after my next visit.''

EXIT STAGE RIGHT .... :boohoo:

 

patient: " Gees they look viscious...are they pliers?".....

Me: yes, yes I bought them at Bunnings

 

When i was a newly qualified podiatrist i once had a patient ask:

Are you going to be in this game for long, or do you hope to better yourself?

and not long after a different patient asked me:

Do you have a Saturday job?

Now they don't tell me i look too young anymore, just that i am putting on weight...

 

And another:
I want you to 'cure' my verrucae problem.

(below knee amputation anyone?)

 

"I have had these bunions all my life, but the varicose veins are new..."




and it's not just patients you have to watch out for, a colleague in a staff meeting asked:

"How often should we do an annual foot check?"

 

How about:

1. "Don't get old"!
2. The last person didn't do a good job on them- I'm glad it's someone different today (and it was you the last time...)
3. Why are my nails so thick? Is it because I take calcium tablets?

Mifiros

 

Last orders at the bar.

finish yer drinks and start moving outside PLEASE!!!!!! :morning:

 

From a patient last seen 6 weeks ago

"I kept the dressing on since last time like the lady said"

:wacko:

You know that has happened when you see the ceiling paint start to crinkle above their feet!

And one i had earlier this week.
Patients parent
"his insoles have been really hurting him"
Me
"lets have a look... You've got them in the wrong shoes!!!)"
Patients parent
"oh yeah. But the feet have been really really hurting!"
Me
"Perhaps because they are in the wrong shoes?"
Parent
"i think they were made wrong"

Me
Three gunshots.

 

"What a shame you don't paint toenails as well"

 

More silly things patients say:

1. You should paint toenails as well (AAAAAAHH!!!)
2. I diagnose a patient with a V.P. She says: 'But my sister said it was a corn' (did her sister study Podiatry???)
3. 'Cut my corn until it bleeds!!!'
4. Do my feet stink?? ( when putting a mask one)

 

Patient: H/O PVD. Diabetes. Below knee amptuatation left foot.

Right foot still in situ with involuted nails.

Patient: ''Vascular consultant said you must not use sharp things or clippers on my foot or I will lose it''.

Me: ''Okay lets wish those nails away then shall we?'' :empathy:

Me: I wrote a letter to the consultant requesting he suggest an alternative treatment for this patient. Oddly enough, no reply!

 

Twirly,

I hope your letter to the consultant encompassed the suggestion that perhaps he should cut the toenails himself.

Personally, I know where I'd like to insert the "sharp thing".

Sounds like he has suffered a Cranio-Rectal inversion.If I can put it so as not to offend the delicate sensibilities of some of our readers!

 

Indeed I did suggest the very same Nick.

In a very professional way of course.

 

A patient asks you what is a corn and what causes it to occur. You explain to them why and how a corn manifests. They come back to you again, 6-8 weeks later, in the shoes you told them not wear, and ask, why does that corn keep coming back on my little toe? I give up sometimes.

 

yes how common is the corn comes back story and they say "but i only where my court shoes when i go out shopping"
suggest this maybe the time that they ARE walking around DUR....
selective deafness??????when it suits
message only ever seems to get through when you trace the foot on paper then put there foot on the tracing and show them where their toes sit ...outside the shoe...does make an impact though whether they change habits or not who knows but does work on some!

 

Is a bugger.

Selective confusion is worse.

Patient
"i went shopping last week. I saw apples for 30p each in one shop but £1.20 a lb in another, now given the average weight of braeburn and the variation in mark up between small grocers and large multinational corperations i calculated that the supermarket has a clear 12.5% profit margin over the small shop IN SPITE OF THE APPARENT ECONOMY."

Me
" your shoes are unsuitable"

Patient
" i'm sorry dear? i don't understand, i get so flustered when you talk so fast, can i see another shiropodist please?"

 

"The add on tele says it kills 99.9% of germs (pine-o-clean)...I soak it twice a day....so how is my ulcer looking?"

 

patient: I thought chiropodists/podiatrists only cut nails and corns

Diabetic patient: My blood sugar is fine, its over 10 and my doctor is happy (Seriously..!!!!!)

Patient: how did you get into this? I hate feet and could never work on them all day.

Patient: The cream you suggested for my feet isn't helping
Me: how often are you applying it?
Patient: Oh, maybe once a week

 

Patient: I told the doctor that I had badly cracked heels and he told me to put duck tape on them.

 

how about half way through treatment when patient tells you that they're now on warfarin & their blood test thingy!? is about 4?????? & you need to dig REALLY deep to get the corn out dear!

 

Here's mine pet hates.

Pt with severe PVD right leg - please don't cut the toenails on that foot. The last time I cut them I had to get the doctor (GP) to remove the nail cause it got ingrown. Then it wouldn't heal for about 5 months.
Me: Who is going to cut them?
Pt: oh I can do those ones
!!!!!!!!!!!

Pt with severe Parkinsons and legally blind:
Me: How have you been coping with your nails?
Pt: Oh I just go out the shed and use the small angle grinder.
This was confirmed in a subsequent letter from the GP

Pt: Oh it's 4 years of study? What do you learn???

Pt with IGTN: Oh I'll just get my GP to send me to the surgeon to get that ingrown nail out!

Pt with IGTN and fear of surgery: Can we just do it under a general??
(actually organised this)
Pt after surgery: wow if I knew it was this good I would have had it done in the chair!
DOH!

Can I pay you later??? ( can I treat you later??)

Pt: Why don't you return my calls? (after patient has called every 5 mins from opening until lunch)
Me: I apologise but I have been booked out this morning, How can I help you?
Pt: Well, I can't come next week. Can you give me another appointment????
(What the FFFF do you think the receptionist does!!!!)

Sunday morning 8am (sadly I am up with 3 kids)
Phone rings (I live in a small town and everyone knows your number)
Pt: Sorry to ring you at home dear (well don't!)
Me: How can I help?
Pt: Well Medicare said they can't pay my claim and I don't understand the paperwork. Can you look it up now and sort it out. (WTF!!!!)
Me: I'm sorry I don't have my computer with me at home ( besides - ring f-ing Medicare you idiot and ask them why!!! Also they aren't open on SUNDAY!!!!)
Pt: Well can I meet you at work?
Me: Not today (was I really that polite??)
Pt: ok, can I drop it over so you can look at it before Tuesday?
Me: It's ok, Drop in on Tues and we'll take a look then.
Pt: ok, hope I didn't wake you love. Bye

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH - children cleared out of Mummy's way for a while.

I'm sure I have many more. Have been up reading this post for a few hours now. Just couldn't stop!!! After midnight! Enjoy!

 

"OOH Dont get old"
"Are you a shiropodist or a podiatrist?"
"i'm on warfarin, be careful you dont cut me":hammer:

 

Grrrrrrrr

 

"its not my shoes thats causing the corn, they were expensive shoes........you didnt cut out the root!!".......:bang:

 

My Favourite:

Pt says to receptionist on arriving at 9:45am "Hi I am Mrs Smith for a 9:30 appointment. Is he running on time or will i have to wait?"

The other one along the lines of how could you work with feet, you go on to find out their occupation is a plumber, aged carer etc.


Great thread, I think the more I read the more I recognise and annoys me more!

 

I had a dentist as a patient in my first year of podiatry who shared with me his way of avoiding questions at parties etc.

"I tell them i'm a gynacologist. The conversation never goes any further."

I have never been game to try it, just in case they call me on it.

Mark